About being Reprimanded by a ‘Gynae’ at Woolies

So here’s a funny story. I like coffee, right? And while I stayed away from coffee in my first pregnancy, I relaxed a bit in my second, and now with my third – well this one loves it. Pick your battles and everything in moderation are things we need to tell ourselves, daily.

So I’m standing in a queue at Woolies this morning with a Vida in my one hand (which could have been anything – hot choc, decaf, anything)  and a chocolate croissant in the other, and I hear this voice say “you know that’s not good for your baby?”. And in a sure state of shock and ‘did I actually just hear a stranger say that to me?’, I lifted to my head to hear the voice once again… “You’re talking to a gynecologist”.

I think I stammered some kind of response like “I’m fine, thanks” and “can I please pay for this croissant?”, to which the (supposed) gynecologist asked “don’t you feel your baby kick much more after a cup of coffee?”. At this point I’m trying desperately to a) wrap my head around if I’m really living this and am actually being publicly judged, b) get out of this conversation I really don’t want to have with a stranger at 9am on a Friday morning, and c) just pay for my croissant.

Said gynecologist then wished me well (I think with the seemingly small amount of social awareness he possessed, he had picked up that I was not interested in having this conversation about my bad parenting with a stranger in a public setting) and he went on his way. The very sweet cashier and I exchanged a brief conversation with lines such as ‘each to their own’ and ‘at least I’m not smoking dried paint and drinking petrol’. And that was that. Funnily (hang on, horrifically) enough, my pregnant colleague experienced a very similar thing recently.

Whether or not you agree with drinking coffee or alcohol, eating cupcake batter or dying your hair while pregnant, that’s not really the point. Each person has their own story, and their own convictions, and while maybe I’d choose to use natural products and cloth diaper my kid, doesn’t ever mean that I should judge or condemn anyone who does something differently to me.

It got me thinking, as I sipped my evil coffee and nibbled on my wheaty, starchy, gluten, vegetable fat, and fake-flavour-filled croissant about how quickly we naturally judge others who choose different ways of doing things to what we do. Even as I blog about our greenISH life, I hope you never think I’ve got this down and that I’m all high and mighty. My story began from a personal conviction, NOT from wanting to tie a noose around my neck and label myself as perfectly ‘green’. I’m definitely not, and I’m happy to say so here. I write to inspire others, NEVER to make them feel judged. I’m failing miserably (and I sincerely apologise) if that has ever been the outcome.

So around all things pregnancy and birth (because that’s where my head is currently): I love this quote:

I know of a beautiful, mixed, vastly different cultural group of friends who have never had a sip of caffeine and those who have had numerous (but safe) alcoholic drinks in their pregnancies. From HypnoBirthing, to elective cesareans, to un-medicated home births. I have dear friends who have had cesareans which have saved their and their babies’ lives. Those pro vaccine, and those anti. Those who eat strictly paleo, and those who live on quick, sneaky convenience food. Those who exercise excessively throughout their pregnancies and those who glue themselves to the couch from Day 1. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding; stay-at-home moms, back-to-work moms. Last night you would have caught me listening to positive birth affirmations, on repeat, in a candle-lit bath; and ask my hubby, each night we are currently listening to Marie Mongan’s Rainbow Relaxation CD as we fall asleep (after the Olympic Artistic Gymnastics of course). Oh, we are all so very, very wonderfully different.

And so while I’ve spoken to many gynaes, midwives and birth professionals about the yes or no to coffee, let’s all just hold our tongues a little quicker before we think our (personal and unasked for) advice is what every stranger in the queue behind us wishes to hear. I’m not saying we should live in a society where we can’t offer our opinion (please no), but let’s make sure it’s within relationship, it’s healthy, encouraging, and loving, even if it does involve rebuke. Okay? Awesome.

Happy Weekend you beautifully different, and equally wonderful people!