Tag Archives: friends

R3000 Challenge: Pauper to Princess

June 27, 2017family, food, friends, generosity, giving, R3000 Grocery ChallengeDebbie

I promise I had this weeks meals planned.
With my R40 left, my meal plan was as follows:

Basil, cherry tom and chicken pasta,

Roast Chicken with veg,

Toasted sarmies with leftover roast chicken and cheese,

Soup (with whatever Food Lovers veg are on their mad Wednesday special).

And then this.

A gift.

You know when you settle for second best and then out of nowhere you land up hitting the bulls eye? Accepting that humble vulnerable spot, only be be bumped unexpectedly to first place?

That was us. Today. I’d counted the apples and pears for lunchboxes, gone 2 days with no milk in my coffee, eaten the crusts of my boys’ leftover peanut butter sandwiches (okay not really), but I was crawling apprehensively towards the finish line, nervous.

But it takes a village, and it seems my humble public meekness around our food budget brought out some of the most wonderful and generous acts of said village. Today we received THREE days worth of Day to Day meals (not even two as seen in the text above) as well as home-reared free range eggs, biscuits, dried fruit snacks AND jelly tots for the kids.

This evening we had steak, tomorrow we’ll be smacking our lips with smoked chicken and the next day pork chops. Fresh, healthy, local, nutritious family meals, when I was absolutely mentally prepared for (and content with) leftovers on toasted sarmies.

I sit here, on my bed, writing this, STUFFED. And grateful. While it may seem like I’ve been carried across the finish line (and maybe I have), there is a deeper lesson I’ve taken away from today. It’s that people are awesome. Share your journey – the hardships, the struggles, the challenges, the achievements. Be vulnerable. Accept gifts, give gifts, share. Share life, share food, share tears, joy, conversation, thoughts, ideas, generosity, abundance, privilege, concern, love.

Marcelle. You’re a great example of someone who shares. Thank you x

Because you O’s must know…

December 17, 2016cape town, Christmas Holidays, family, friends, generosity, Life with 3 kidsDebbie

I’m not quite sure what we did to gain such outrageously awesome community. Across the world, we’ve found the most insanely hip, trendy, huge-hearted, thoughtful and good looking (you know it) people who somehow, we managed to convince to love us and be friends with us. It’s a mystery.

Anyhoo, so, you o’s must know how RAD our people can be. Besides everyday friends who are worth more than their weight in gold, last night, as hubby and I went out to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary (that’s a whoooole ‘nother blog post coming soon), we had two friends (#friendswhoarefamily), just float in, take over all evening and nighttime/nightmare-time kid chores and crashed for the night in our spare room (spare room, play room, same thing…) and this morning we all woke up, drank coffee, made pancakes and spoke about deep stuff.

Which then caused me to be late for my next session of overwhelmingly generous friends who started the Whats App group ‘Debbie’s Freedom’ after a few venting sessions about life with 3 kids. They’d arranged to meet at the good old Scratch Patch at the Waterfront, where they were ready and rearing to take on my two boys, with tickets paid for and in hand, to give me some peace. I MEAN. Plan ‘take the boys‘ went slightly awry when poor Ryler fell fast asleep pre-scratch patch play (and you don’t e.v.e.r wake a sleeping wannabe-dinosaur), and so I slowly moseyed around the Waterfront with my youngest two, fast asleep, in the double stroller (with freshly pumped up wheels – WIN) where I managed to meander shops, post a card which had been in my bag for 6 weeks, grab a smoothie and even did a little Christmas shopping.

All this while Clay was rummaging through stones with one of his fave little friends, and eating ice cream, after which he even scored a bonus trip to Reptile World (which was not on the days agenda, but generous friends are like that).

Truth be told, it may never happen again: by the end of it, there was melted ice cream, crying, deflated balloons, a sulky child who had had so much fun why couldn’t he go on the big wheel?, a few collisions with strollers and strangers’ feet, a waking and hungry baby, and a super tired toddler who had fallen off the front of the stroller because I forgot he had perched there (my bad)… but those friends, THOSE FRIENDS.

I MEAN.

Who is your Village? If you don’t have one, build one. If you do have one, call them up right now and tell you love them. Because, these people. Wow. This is the same crew who brought us cooked suppers when Brea was born, who surround me on girls nights and make me laugh about how nutso life can be, and who are always on the other side of whats app, be it for advice on parenting and marriage, how to get wine out of a carpet, how we should think about #feesmustfall or the most recent droughts, which books to read and how to make homemade deodorant.

Those people. Your people. Generous people. People who think just a little further than themselves, to the other. Let’s be inspired to be like them.

Thanks my people.

One year on…

December 2, 2015cape town, Community, family, friends, memories, parenting, South Africa, VancouverDebbie

And so here we are. Today, we are 1 year back in South Africa. And we’re a bit more worn, a bit more tanned, a year older (and hopefully wiser), and reflecting on what a wildly immeasurably beautiful 4.5 year stint in Vancouver did to us, and who we are today.

I’m an idealist. I grew up in one beautiful, warm, safe and happy house (which coincidentally, my husband I are about to buy from my parents and where we hope to raise our kids). Growing up, my friends, church and school were all around the corner. Life was happy, simple, neat and tidy.

And then I met my now husband and traveled with him, moved to Durban, traveled more and then took the big leap to Vancouver. Life got a bit messier.

Neat and tidy and messy were all good. But as I’ve grown, I’ve had to tone down on the idealism and accept more of the realism. I can’t commit myself to living in one house my whole life (which is only 1 of the things I naturally expected to happen).

I think that’s one of the deepest lessons I’ve learnt. Life is messy and not straight forward. It can be hard, raw, challenging, joyful, beautiful, mysterious, and unknown, and often (always?) out of our control. Admitting that is hard for me. I like control. And so, if I have learnt ONE lesson over the last year it’s this – while life is beautiful, it is not wrapped in its beautiful perfectly square box, with crisp neat corners, its Pinterest style (as much as I LOVE Pinterest) paper with its ribbons and raffia. We might move, we might stay, we might travel, we might change. We roll with the punches. And I’ve learnt that there is a very beautiful depth to the mess. And often, we NEED the mess to keep us real.

But even more pressing is my other HUGE life mantra: experience trumps stuff. EXPERIENCE TRUMPS STUFF. No question. Hands down.

So here they are… MY OBSERVATIONS… 1 year on.

In South Africa there are so many good people doing so many good things.

It is harder to stay green.

It is easy and important to be growing your own food. I can’t wait to get chickens.

Traffic is hectic.

Coffee is better than it was 5 years ago.

The mountain is extraordinary. Life here is in full colour.

There is no place like home.

Crime is real, and it makes me concerned.

People don’t change, are loving, caring and look out for each other.

Conversations with strangers are easy.

It is been hard hard hard HARD to find a church after our experience at Regent and Artisan.

I feel really, really privileged to have had my kids in Canada.

Don’t underestimate education.

I love how car guards interact with the boys and help them out of the trolley and into the car.

Runners/cyclists greet each other and encourage each other on the roads which is awesome. It’s not safe to run alone at night, which sucks. But running with old friends (my Natalie) is life giving.

People are generous.

Our government is abominable. Parliament is hard to watch at times.

My kids play in mud, feed farm animals and get messy and barely ever ever ever wear shoes.

Internet and free wifi is scarce (and slow).

HEROES are born and raised here.

EXPERIENCES trump things hands down.

I LOVED Christmas in the snow.

Time and space between true brotherly and sisterly friends really doesn’t change all that much.

Watching your children play with their cousins is a gift.

We have amazing sports teams.

I have more of a hunger to see and do more (when my allergy towards all airports calms down – travelling for 6 weeks with two small children halfway across the world is still exhausting to think about).

Seemingly small things, can make BIG change.

Despite loving news and sport, I have no real interest in having a TV.

Community (be it local or international) is invaluable.

***

And now since my husband Theran and I are so different (really, sometimes I wonder how we actually got married…), I thought I’d include his:

Education gives you new eyes and ears for the world. You cannot quantify its value.

White people in Cape Town need to catch a wake up. White privilege is not an attack on white people, its a reality needing attention.

The mountain is different every day.

You can’t over emphasize the value of friendship – whether like minded friends around the world or lifelong friends who share your story.

Don’t let 5 years of tax returns build up while you are away.

Seeing your children with their grandparents, cousins, and aunts and uncles is worth so much more than the alluring pull of the ‘first world’.

Work can take more than it’s ‘pound of flesh’ from you – you can quickly find yourself consumed by obligations to an employer, whether valid or unrealistic demands, and end up sacrificing important things you shouldn’t.

Young children grow and change every day.

Family stress and tension causes more anxiety than work tension.

A swimming pool is a waste of space and money (really Theran?).

Dentists don’t do unnecessary work on your teeth (well ours doesn’t).

***

I’m sure there are many, many more lessons we’ve learnt which we can’t articulate quite yet… but needless to say, it’s GOOD to be back. Familiarity is a GOOD and comforting thing. Moving to Vancouver for almost 5 years was by far the best thing we have ever done (besides the obvious God, kids, marriage decisions) and I hope we’re brave enough to make more big decisions when they come our way.

Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika

The Small Things

August 19, 2015family, friends, gratitude, memories, motherhood, RegentDebbie

This one is for Beth, Carrie, Amy & Katie.

Watching Facebook, I’ve seen a fair few comments about the shallowness (harsh term, I know, or lack of depth) of recent posts. Which, I can understand.

I’ve also found myself feeling sad that very often those Facebook memories that pop up, take you back to a time when we used to write on each other’s walls and almost interact as humans (albeit online). Now it seems we’re simply reposting trending articles and sharing humorous pictures, arb celebrity statements or competition entires (nothing wrong with that – I love winning a good compo).

But something new struck me yesterday morning when my friend Carrie posted an Instagram pic online, and it’s this: how the most beautiful and profound things are often hidden within the little (seemingly normal) things. It’s not so much the artistically enhanced Madonna quote, or the breaking news about the worlds biggest sandpit, it’s the glimpses into people’s lives – and the small, quite regular activities that are real and beautiful and emotion-stirring.

Of my 4 closest Regent-wives-turn-moms who were a huge part of my community in Vancouver (we all had our kids together), Carrie is last one standing and is due to bid Vancouver farewell in the upcoming weeks. The end of an era. And yesterday morning, when this beautiful friend posted a pic of her 6 month old daughter on a picnic blanket in Almond Park with a Grounds For Coffee cinnamon bun, my heart was stirred. It was simple, normal and deeply rich – an experience anyone who has memories of a certain place will understand.

Because when you embrace it fully, I find that life really is made up of very many small moments. And those small things really matter.

Thinking about this on my way into work that morning, I swung past the post office to pick up a parcel. YAY. I love parcels! It was unexpected one, and from my friend Jo in New Zealand. She had sent me a much anticipated book, along with a block (slab) of Whittaker’s chocolate and her 3yr old sons art. Just the writing on the package struck an emotion. Nothing needed to be explained, all the contents were fairly small, normal things but each held an immense amount of meaning, memory and intentionality.

And that’s what counts. As a parent, it’s easy to click into autopilot. School lunches, bath time, brushing teeth, laundry, mismatched socks, squabbling siblings, toys EVERY-WHERE, unending mess, and nothing happening quickly enough. Then you stop, breathe and notice the smiles, the joy, the fun, the innocence in trying to pick up a snail and the winking eyes and loud giggles coming from these little humans. It’s the carefree ears-in-the-wind galloping of our dogs across the beach. It’s the warmth your lounge fireplace provides on a cold night, the getting lost in a good book or conquering of a crossword puzzle.

Sure there are the BIG things we can celebrate – and should celebrate; a new birth or adoption, the buying of your first home, or the finishing of a tough slog-filled degree. They deserve a huuuuge glass of champers. Absolutely. But I think those big ‘achievements’ often overshadow the very events that mean more (and often got us there in the first place), that occur continuously during the 24 hours we are given every day.

More often than not it’s reading the love letters from your then-boyfriend-now-husband or the taste of a $2 box of timbits that can inject one with inner joy. The sight of snow capped mountains or drinks off the back of a bakkie at sunset. It’s the endorphins that took you running around Stanley Park or climbing Table Mountain. It’s the sound of the bus stopping or the subway screeching; the smell of the sea or 7/11 (7/11 has a VERY distinct smell overseas – I think it’s that flavoured bottomless coffee). They’re like moments locked in time, all small and often mundane with deep meaning, memory, and enjoyment.

I think we forget that each and everything we decide to do, or decide not to do, collectively, forms habits, builds (or breaks down) morale, and paves a direction in which our lives then lead. And it’s the small experiences (and the gratefulness of them) that build upon one another and make all the difference.

And so be present during the weekend pancake breakfasts, the planting of herbs, jumping on a trampoline, the dripping of ice cream down a small hand, cuddling under a duvet, and reading of a storybook over and over and over again – make those moments count. Because they’re pointing towards something much bigger than what you imagine.

Don’t live on autopilot.