kindness Archives - Our Greenish Life

I don’t mean to be another voice calling names and issuing titles and opening up a very real and raw race wound, but here’s a thought for this Friday.

The other afternoon I went running (my usual 5 km route). I usually run with a girlfriend but she was away and I needed to get my Vitality points in, so off I went. Not jabbering my mouth off like I usually do, I had time to think, reflect and pray.

One thing I love about South Africa is that most people seem really friendly on the roads. I try and greet everyone I run past and acknowledge what is going on around me. And as I was nearing home, I ran past this 35+ yr old black gentleman. He smiled at me and I smiled back and squeezed out a breathless ‘hi’ – we had a quick and friendly exchange.

As I ran past this fellow countryman (I presume he was South African) I had a moment of crisp and clear comparison, which has really made me think. I ran past him with my preggy belly, carrying a-born-into-privilege little lady (who will probably be blond if she follows her brothers’ hair colour in any way – somehow being blond made the picture in my head all that clearer). Just there and then my brain did a quick calculation. Not taking into account the house, the car and and and I was running towards, on my person was:

R1000+ running shoes (they’re serious shoes my hub bought for my first marathon which was put on hold after the two pink lines came up on the pregnancy test),
R250 New Balance crops,
(I can’t remember which top but probably one from a race I did in Vancouver which would have cost about $100 to enter – yup, races there are crazy money),
My R2000 Garmin running watch with GPS and heart rate monitor,
My Apple Watch which I have not yet paid for (and am still exercising ‘it off’ on the Vitality deal – but is worth around R6000)…

I was wearing on my person, (all new let’s not forget) more than R10 000 worth of stuff. On a single run. And as this young gentleman walked past me, he smiled at me, his fellow South African sister, who has had a completely different life to him. I’d probably give a growl and a hairy eye ball to the injustice of it all if I was him, but he smiled. Legend.

I’m not here to point fingers, say we need to give all our stuff away, move to a township or make anyone feel guilty or proud, good or bad. I’m just writing to share my small experience. That moment of clarity was real. It is also unfair to underestimate who this gentleman is. I don’t know him, so who am I to judge him? While I presumed he was walking to catch a lift on a taxi home (to a place I’ve never been), I can’t presume he is less or more than what I saw in my 2 second smile at him. But all this to say…

We have a LOT. WAY more than we need. I wasn’t at the UCT or Freedom Day marches. I am not waving a flag on the side of the street or shouting my opinions from the rooftop. I’m trying to come to grips with what it means to live in South Africa, identify as a South African, and be aware of what my fellow South African experiences day to day. And I’m far from it, but I’m on the road…

There is no difference between my domestic worker and I. Nancy and I are the same, we’ve just been given different lots in life (or however you chose to see/say it). She is not my slave. She is my sister. She works hard, arrives on time, is taking what she has and trying to do her best with it. Are we not all doing that? There are a million ways we can make this practical and better the lives of those in need and so many people I know are doing that, and it is BEAUTIFUL. So let’s do it more. More and more and more until the divide becomes blurry (yes, I know, its idealistic) but why not do it anyway.

Generosity is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I see today. Just this morning, my colleague bought me a gorgeous set of new wine glasses because I had told her how, when unpacking our wine glasses (from boxes we packed up 6 years ago), we only found we had 2. Generosity and kindness – it can knock you off your feet a little if you step down from your privileged and entitled podium.

Lets just be kind, and aware, and generous.

(Preach over (wink emotion).)

Today in the car on the way to school, our toddler called himself silly. He was trying to fit little square books into a little box and one fell out by accident and he said – “ahhhgggg I’m so silly”. No big deal, or is it?

Let’s not overthink this one, but in a generation of so much bullying, nastiness, self-esteem issues and peer pressure (from a horrifically early age) maybe we should be teaching our kids to think differently. I recently overheard an interview with a child psychologist and she was saying that self-talk is one thing we, as parents, friends, grandparents and siblings, can be extra aware of and encourage the health of. How your child talks to THEMSELVES is, quite obviously, very important.

So after I nipped the silliness speak in the bud, I went on and on, listing the things that he was: loved, kind, funny, smart, thoughtful, imaginative, fun, gorgeous, valued, important, caring, wonderful, and and and. I know, what a way to swing that one around huh?

While I’m most probably purely to blame for the silliness speak (I often call my husband ‘Billy’ as in Silly Billy) and while it’s not THAT big of a deal really, maybe let’s give some thought to how we talk to (and about) ourselves, our kids, our spouses (eek) and our friends, LET ALONE strangers; the petrol attendant, or the shop cashier, or the post office clerk.

Let’s find the balance between being silly (in an awesome, fun, laughter-filled way) and calling someone Silly (in a demeaning, derogatory way). There is a difference, even if it’s a little blurry.

Then this picture popped up on Facebook and it punched me in the stomach. Not because my toddler was calling himself silly, but because life is hard, nasty words get thrown around, and you can’t control it all. It’s heavy, but true.

How about we add some Dr. Seuss to the mix, to brighten up the mood. We LOVE Dr. Seuss in our house.

And so while we work on the ‘silly’ word in our house, know we’re fighting the STINKY word too. Only bums and feet are stinky in our house. And the todd(ler), in his wildly sneaky wisdom, has started calling things sting – as in he’s leaving off the ‘keeeey’. Sting(keeeeey). Tough one.

As Ellen DeGeneres says, at the end of every Ellen show “Be kind to one another”.

Picture credit: www.etsy.com, www.thesimplybeloved.com, sweethoneytothesoul.com.

Tag Archives: kindness

A quick thought on Generosity and Privilege

Being Silly and Being Called Silly