Tag Archives: family

That 4th Trimester 

Have you heard of the ‘4th Trimester’?

Whether you believe in it or not, through conversations, holistic thinking, HypnoBirthing classes, and general doula world stuff, it’s been something I’ve thought about and quite like the idea of. Basically, it is defined as the first 3 months of baby’s life post-birth when they are very newborn like. At this age these babies have very primal movements, sounds and needs. And this, being my 3rd baby, I’ve just completely absorbed the idea and held, cuddled, shushed and fed bubsy on demand. To me, whether you agree or not, you can’t go too wrong with all that baby lovin’ can you?

The transition from the womb to the world is a HUGE one. All senses are experiencing new things – no longer is there food on tap, gravity has taken effect, temperatures are new, as are sounds and strange tactile experiences. This is why skin to skin is so desperately encouraged after birth. These poor innocent newbies miss the heartbeat, the safety, the warm, snug, dark squishedness.

Off point, kinda: did you know that your nipples darken in pregnancy because babies see black and white initially, and so they can locate them better. They also release a smell similar to amniotic fluid to attract bub. Is the body just not un-believ-able? I mean!

A while back I popped into Granny Goose for a fun ‘Sleep Tight’ morning. Listen, free cupcakes and coffee will get me almost anywhere.



Occupational Therapist and co-creature of the Nuture One pillow, Jenny Spiro, gave us, a group of sleepy eyed (not really, but maybe) moms, some really good advice on newborn and infant sleep. Helpful, encouraging advice – unlike most unappreciated personal opinions and judgy ‘know-how’ books.

She created the Nurture One pillow (no affiliate link here guys – I’m just sharing some wisdom I heard that morning), specifically to mimic the post-birth sensory environment, making that 4th Trimester easier and helping your baby enjoy and thrive in his/her sleep. I dare you to find me a new mom who doesn’t want that?


Here are her top tips on INFANT SLEEP:

– Timing is everything. If you ‘catch the sleep wave’ at the right time, you win Mom of the Year, because learning your babies’ cues is doable but close to impossible (if you ask me).

– Don’t overstimulate the environment. No mobiles over cots. Keep colours and tones of the room clean and neutral.

– Don’t let them get overtired. Overtired leads to neediness which leads to a DIS-AS-TER.

– Put baby down in her bed bum first, then head (and always have your babies head be at the same level or higher than her body).

– It is okay for your baby to have a soft toy, dummy, soothing something to help keep her calm at night when you are not there.

– Co-sleeping/sleeping in her bed in your room, or sleeping in her own room blah blah blah is all just craaaazy controversial. Do what works for you, and what you feel is responsible, but think about whether the average cave women had nearby caves for their babies back in the day. Hmmm…

And a little bit of baby massage pre-sleep cant hurt…

Her experience as an OT led her to the creation of the Nurture One pillow. It was designed to mimic at the very least the tactile womb experience and to create the ideal sensory environment for the newborn. Many moms swear by it, and fortunately enough, a friend has lent me hers (I hadn’t heard of it until moving back to SA). Lucky bub!

So… how’s that sleep going for you guys? (Ha ha ha)

 

Instantly gratifying DIY – Magnetic Letters

So… nursing, changing, bouncing, rocking, and cuddling a newborn is great, but it’s also tiring. And peppered in between is the never ending list of washing, desperately searching for breast pads, rushed toilet breaks, reheating coffee, handing baby to hubby so you can give your other kids some attention, trying to sneak in a quick shower, Disney Junior (DSTV channel 309), and throwing a real quick 5-food group/eat-your-rainbow dinner together.

After actually birthing, one needs some other instant gratification in this new life of blurry nights and debating with hubby who was up longer the night before.

A while back I found this OLD box of Scrabble. In my true minimalist style I almost threw it straight in the ‘donate’ pile (we have another, much newer Scrabble set) until my light bulb moment. Two birds, one stone: a holiday activity with my 4year old and a way to learn letters and words.

Brace yourselves: this one is a doozy. Are you ready? MAGNETIC SCRABBLE LETTERS. Have I blown your mind? I thought so.

Here’s what you need: 


  • Old scrabble tiles.
  • A4 adhesive magnetic sheet (found at PNA for R39 – maternity leave budget friendly).
  • Scissors.
  • Your handy helper.

Method: Again, brace yourselves, it’s complicated. Cut the adhesive magnet sheet into squares and stick them onto the back of the scrabble tiles. Did you get that or should I explain it again? Not to worry – I’ve got step-by-step pictures for you all…





Is that not the easiest, simplest and quite profoundly gratifying DIY project, with years of benefit (as long as you don’t lose all the vowels?)

Ta daaaaa.

A Post Partum Hormone Inspired Post

You all know about the 3rd day bluesy/post partum/milk-coming-in day? If you’ve had a baby, you probably know what I’m talking about. I know it well. With all three kids, this day was real. Real as. I was warned about how the tears might flow, for unexplained reasons and how it’s hard to get a handle on it, but how it is also beautiful and emotional and hard and possibly a little out of control. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a feeler. I FEEL things. And so for me these days were full on. But I anticipated it.

What I had forgotten about, was the 1 week post baby endorphin high/low. Wow. Hormones man, they are HARD CORE. And so this past Friday it all came rushing back. I have to believe that for me the unknown of ‘going into labour’ has a lot to do with it – that hour by hour, reliving what went down exactly a week before, the ‘is this labour’ questioning, the call to the midwife/birth team, the drive to the hospital and the walking into (contraction-ing into) the delivery room… And then marking (and celebrating) the exact time of birth… Even the ‘settling into the quiet, safe, sacred space of your hospital room’… It all came flooding back.


And so after some tears trying to process this all with hubby, and some more tears upon messaging my midwife (and her always-beautiful replies), and some more tears in the shower (those are great hey?), hubby offered to take me back to where it all happened.

So last Friday at 6:30pm, we piled our new family of 5 into the car and went on our first official family adventure – back to the hospital where it all happened. Hubby pulled up at sunset, I hopped out the car with our 1 week old and paid the maternity ward a visit. And honestly… it was a bit random. Maybe I was expecting some ‘Hi Debbie, how are you, so lovely to see you again, would you like a coffee?!’ with the nurses I had befriended on my lone ranger (hubby-less) stay in the hospital. But it was random. I know, a little disappointing right?

Because it was on the way home, while listening to the CD we played when we brought all the kids home from the hospital, that it dawned on me. While place is significant, and always will be, PEOPLE are where it’s at.


It was my midwife (a hero of a woman, who, after being in her care makes me want to sign up for midwifery school immediately), who loved me, empowered me, lead me, and in return allowed me to lead in birth. It was my husband, who held my hand through it all, listened to my needs, encouraged encouraged encouraged, watched, witnessed, and believed I could birth our daughter into the world with grace and dignity. It was our doula, who was thinking about what I couldn’t think about at that time, whose mind was always on what I needed next, and who carried the journey of labour with me. And our friend and photographer, who I’m SOOO glad was there, to celebrate with us, to capture, to document the real life miracle that is birth (for which I am eternally grateful and will treasure the pictures forever!)


It was them. Sure, I loved my quiet, safe hospital stay with wonderfully supportive nursing staff. But that Team. Oh that Team.


They gave me courage, they believed, they knew, they guided, they inspired and they empowered me (in ones most vulnerable state), to do this crazy, beautiful, natural, wonderful, hard, tiring, unforgettable and mysterious thing called birth.

For you, Susan, Theran, Thato and Rebecca. Thank you. May we all do for each other in day to day life, what you did for me in Delivery Room 3, 16 September 2016.

All pics: Love Made Visible

My Heart on Silk

Something that has struck me recently, is how significant each person’s individual story can be. Story. It is powerful.


Chatting with my midwife a couple days ago, we were talking about how resilient we are, and how fragile we are at the very same time. And it’s so true. Our outlooks, attitudes, emotions and reactions often come down to a sequence of tiny little things, over years, weaved together to form our lives. And these things matter, often even defining us.

Having just celebrated my third baby (and possibly the surge of endorphins and surge of emotion that automatically comes with it) has made me think about this even more so. Our third child (I literally cannot believe I have three) was born 5 days ago, and oh wow, I could have a million more. These tiny little lives. They take your breath away. They consume our hearts in ways we could never imagine. I am absolutely smitten, and overcome by wonder and joy.


Recently I came across this gorgeous company, which shares this same sentiment and heart. And since I love all things local (they really are situated around the corner from me) and lekker, I wanted to share them with you – introducing Symbols on Silk.

We were SO fortunate to have Symbols on Silk join in the celebration of our newest family member by generously gifting me with a set of Bling Babies, representing each of my children. Ahhhh melt! How lucky am I? And like I said earlier, these tiny little (loud, crazy, sometimes drive-me-up-the-wall) blessings are my everything.


Symbols on Silk was founded in 2010 by passionate wife, mother (and now gushing grandmother) Linda Schneider, and which comprises of beautifully simple sterling silver designs, strung on a silk thread and packaged with a meaningful, and inspirational message. Each piece has been individually designed with heart in mind – the message chosen MEANINGFUL for its’ wearer. There are over 100 designs in the range (including both necklaces and bracelets) with the option of acquiring each charm in Silver, Gold or Rose Gold dipped. The range is locally manufactured in Cape Town, South Africa, and thanks to Linda’s two incredible jewellery ‘craftswomen’, each design is made with care. Each tells a story. 

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And now, I have the privilege of being able to wear my little ones ‘close to my heart’… just as the message says. 

Day in and day out, throughout all of life’s experiences, from the blissful sublime to the downright difficult, we learn from it all. From the struggles, the joys, the waiting, the hopes and the celebrations. Symbols on Silk allows us to share these journeys and these experiences, without words.

But it doesn’t stop there. Symbols on Silk cares and speaks to the stories of not only their clients, but their communities as well. I love that as a company, a percentage of the proceeds from all Symbols on Silk sales is used to supply food parcels to the Yiza Ekhaya Soup Kitchen in Khayelitsha, and R10.00 from the sale of each Snowflake necklace or bracelet is donated to the Rebekah Ryan trust. These small acts change stories.

Take a peek at their range online here, and find what speaks to you.

Follow Symbols on Silk by joining their Facebook page, or shop online here.

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Picture Credit: Brene Brown, Love Made Visible (birth picture), Symbols on Silk Website

Meeting in the Doctor’s Waiting Room

Yesterday I took our eldest for a follow up appointment at our ophthalmologist. I’ve written a little about his story here but yesterday I anticipated a fairly similar outcome to our usual checkup. But the appointment was unusually, and beautifully hopeful. More on that later…

I was running a little late after dropping our youngest at my in-laws and rushed in at 2:02pm (our appointment was for 2 – and I hate being late). As I dashed in, a father snuck in the door behind me holding his young daughter. She was gorgeous, and could not have been older than 2 and a half. I could see immediately (from my limited experience) that she had a squint, even though I think most would probably not notice it. The receptionist looked at us both and requested ‘last name?’ to which I replied ‘Knighton-Fitt’ and so she turned to the gentleman and said, ‘Oh, so this is your first appointment?’ My heart broke as I remembered our first appointment, and I had such sympathy imagining the journey he was about to begin.

As the dad took the clipboard from the receptionist and got ready to recall their medical history on paper, I wanted to throw my arms around them and give them both a huge hug and tell them everything would be okay, but it’s easy to say that looking back.

cuuute pic of clay

There were so many perfect moments this afternoon in that doctors room. The fact that Clay couldn’t fit on my (now enormous) lap meant that I had to pop him on the BIG chair alone and watch him interact with our doctor himself. He would never had done that even 6 months ago. He answered the questions politely and watched the red ball, the cotton bud and the torch so obediently. He listened to everything the doctor said, and whispered the correct answers to all eye tests. His eyes had locked into place (NO.MORE.SQUINT), and his eyes were excellent, individually, both in strength and crisp clarity. ‘Proud mama’ doesn’t begin to describe it.

At the time of the 3D test, I held my breath. This was what we had no idea what to expect. While our 2 operations had corrected some mechanical issues, the development of 3D was never a certainty. His last appointment 3 months ago showed he had no 3D vision. (IE: He can kick a ball and do everything any kid with 20/20 vision can do, but give him a set of 3D glasses for a movie and it wouldn’t mean a thing to him. This can have larger consequences later on when it comes to future career choices and sports etc.). If you don’t develop this kind of 3D by age 4, chances are you might never develop it. Clayden has just turned 4.

So as he looked through the 3D glasses into the book and tried to grab the fly’s wings (which should stand up from the page) he grabbed… the… air. Our Dr looked at me with excitement and I knew it was good. If he had grabbed the page it would have indicated that his 3D was still non existent. Watching him digging his chubby innocent little fingers under the ‘wing’ made my heart leap and I had to grit my teeth to stop myself from bursting into tears. It was all such such such good news. After a 2yr long journey with Clay’s acquired esotropia, across 2 countries, with the help of 2 optometrists, 2 ophthalmologists, 2 operations, and a VILLAGE of support, prayer and a lot of money  (and tears) spent, this is what we’ve been waiting for. Our first appointment with ‘everything looks perfect’. (The only thing better is if we were to phase out the glasses completely, but one step at a time – only time will tell – and he is so stinking cute in his glasses, I think I’d miss them).

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Eye Operation April 2015. 

As we left (I could have hugged our doc – but it would have been pretty random), I saw the dad and his daughter replace us in his room. One family out, another one in. Just like that. With a heavy camaraderie-like heart, I watched them start the journey we were (praise God) ending.

Clay eating ice cream

So many of my latest, more personal blog posts have been about kindness and awareness. This one is no different. To think we are all on our own personal, raw, delicate, challenging, sensitive and day-by-day journeys, needs to be recognised. People need to be SEEN. To that family who are beginning the journey correcting eye issues, to the family who have lost a baby that no one knows about, to the family who is struggling with infertility, or severe anxiety, or self-hate or a scary diagnosis. None of us have our stuff together (maybe on the outside it might look like it), so let’s all just be a little more sensitive and aware.

As our awesome (deeply missed and longed for) church in Vancouver used to say each time we met, “we are a community of Hope and Struggle”… and let’s allow ourselves to be just that.

Let’s Talk Baby Food: Part 2

Here we are – the much anticipated Part 2 of Let’s Talk Baby Food with Deidre Lindeque, who is a Nutripaeds Dietitian and Lactation Consultant, (check them out on Facebook here). If you haven’t seen Part 1, you can find it here.

I promised we’d tackle the topics of Baby Led Weaning and the The Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen. Grab a coffee – it’s another long one. Let’s dive straight in!

Baby Led Weaning:

(Personally I did ‘normal’ weaning for my first (you know, it felt like I was ‘sticking with the rules’), and then significantly more baby led weaning with my second. I’m imagining continuing the baby led weaning with number 3 – almost more for ease of eating times than anything else…)

Many moms ask if they should do “baby led weaning” or “normal weaning” – and Nutripaeds does not believe that one should practice one OR the other but ideally an amalgamation of both. For soft foods e.g. yoghurt, oats, nut butters etc. spoon feed as you would be eating such things in the same manner as an adult. Important however is not to underestimate an infant’s ability to self feed non-pureed foods much earlier than what was commonly practiced, so there is no problem with incorporating principles and ideas of Baby-led weaning into “traditional” weaning routines.

baby food yoghurt berry

Baby-led weaning is, it must be said, a somewhat cheesy term for just letting your infant self-feed. You cut food up into manageable sticks and offer it, they eat. It’s really pretty simple.

The key difference between BLW and traditional weaning, when you think about it, is in the order that children learn to eat. With a puree, they learn to swallow first and then chew, which works fine until they meet a lump. With BLW, the babies learn to chew first and swallowing might come sometime later.

It’s ‘baby-led’ in the sense that you let them do what they need to do while they’re learning, and as the parent you resist the urge to get wound up in knots about how much they’re eating, whether they like the food you thought they’d like and whether it’s mashed into the nearest carpet. The main thing is… it’s all good clean (messy) fun.

Some Simple tips for getting started: (How great is this advice?)

  • Forget ‘baby food’. Food is food – as long as you’re not adding salt and sugar. To start off with, think chip-sized because it’s an easy shape for little 6-month- olds to grip, but you’ll soon move on to smaller pieces as it’s more interesting for a child developing a pincer grip.
  • No bowls, they’re just asking to be flung heavenwards. Put the food on the highchair tray or table and remember, it’s all a learning experience for the baby at this point.
  • There will be mess! If you are weaning in summer don’t be afraid to eat outside or semi-naked. For winter invest in a great cover-all and pelican bib.
  • Putting a wipe-clean tablecloth under the highchair is a good idea if you have carpets and some people find that a crinkle cutter is handy to make food extra-‘grippable’.
  • Experience suggests that the more effort you put into making something special for the baby, the less likely they are to eat it 😉 Give them what you’re having. If they hate it, that’s okay, they’re getting their calories from milk anyway.
  • Of course it would be perfect if we ate every meal as a family but this isn’t always possible. Try to keep your ‘social activity’ head on, though, even if it’s just you and your baby sharing a sandwich at lunch. Keep smiling, keep enjoying, keep paying attention. It’s just good manners at the end of the day, something it’s never too early for a child to learn.
  • Don’t get too hung up on three meals a day, it may take a while to work up to that. Whatever’s convenient and enjoyable for you is best.
  • And don’t put too much on the highchair tray at the one time, just a couple of pieces of food will stop them feeling overwhelmed.
  • Actual hunger can be frustrating for the babies when they’re still getting to grips (quite literally) with things. Timing ‘meals’ to between milk feeds seems to be best, and because it’s just finger food you aren’t limited to staying in. There’s no reason why you can’t pack a wee Tupperware with some carrot or cucumber, buy a banana when you’re out or just pull some bits out of an undressed salad.
  • Never put food into a child’s mouth, let them put it in by themselves so that they can control it as it moves backwards.
  • Nappies and their contents will soon fascinate you in ways you never thought possible. Raisins re-hydrate, little pieces of still-green broccoli sneak through the digestive system and bananas produce poo with strange black threads.
  • Have a camera ready to capture those first gummy, carroty smiles because as daunting as it may seem, weaning is a very short time in your child’s life. So remember to enjoy it…

Finger Food Ideas:

  • Steamed (or lightly broiled) whole vegetables such as green beans, baby sweetcorn, mange-tout/sugar-snap peas).
  • Steamed or lightly broiled florets of broccoli or cauliflower.
  • Steamed, roasted or stir fried vegetable sticks such as carrot, pumpkin, butternut, potato, aubergine, sweet potato, parsnip.
  • Raw sticks of cucumber (great when straight from fridge to ease the gums of teething babies).
  • Thick slices of avocado (not over-ripe and they become very soft and squishy)
  • Fruit such as pear, apple, banana, peach, nectarine, halved grapes, pawpaw, mango – either whole or as sticks.
  • Cheese – sticks of firm cheese e.g. cheddar or gouda and well as cubes/triangles of full fat cream cheese.
  • Dried fruits such as mango strips. Baby sweet corn and fingers of peeled cucumber and avocado are all yummy and easy.
  • Starchy foods are nice ways to incorporate energy especially into fussy eaters, some fun finger starchy include: balls made of cooked rice or quinoa and small pieces of toast fingers.
  • Rice cakes, rusks and dry breakfast cereals such as all bran flakes and multigrain oatees.
  • Mini brown bread sandwiches cut into triangles, fingers or squares – suitable fillings include mashed banana, hummus, grated cheese, cream cheese, mashed avocado, nut butters.
  • Falafels, lentil balls and mini meatballs – beef, chicken, ostrich and lamb mince variants – one can also cook it as a meatloaf.
  • Cubes of firm cooked fish, fish balls made with minced fish.
  • Cubes of tofu, slices or quarters of hard boiled eggs or strips of well cooked omelette.
  • Fishcakes or fish fingers (not processed variants).

NB: You do not need to use recipes designed especially for babies – just keep salt and sugar (and heavy spice) to a minimum.

Don’t be fearful of choking, as long as you are always present when your child is eating and as long as food is soft and pieces are small, your child will learn to chew and navigate his way through his finger snacks. Remember practice makes perfect and if you never allow your baby to practice with new foods and foods that need to be chewed then he won’t become an expert at chewing and he will be a choking risk. So relax and keep it simple and nutritious and watch as your baby enjoys this new feeding experience.

THE DIRTY DOZEN and the CLEAN FIFTEEN.

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The dirty dozen and the clean 15 refer respectively to the fruits and vegetables that are the most and least contaminated by pesticide use, according to the Environmental Working Group.

Why do we care? Pesticides are toxic by design! Different pesticides have been linked to a variety of health problems, including hormone disruption, cancer and brain toxicity (and many, many more). But for most people, switching to organic produce is a gradual process. Because organic foods tend to be more expensive than their counterparts, making informed choices in the produce aisle helps minimize pesticide consumption while keeping the budget in check!

Should you avoid the dirty dozen? Absolutely not! Fresh fruits and vegetables are always a healthier choice than processed foods. Besides, non-organic processed foods are sure to contain loads of chemicals too. Instead, let the guide dictate your allocation of organic vs. non-organic purchases.

Why eat organic food? All of this opens up a bigger discussion about the choice to eat organic food — and the reasons that not everyone does. Often, the decision comes down to bottom line. Non-organic foods usually cost less money. But there are other costs — hidden costs — that have to be considered too. These include abstract factors like the cost of demanding more from the earth than it can produce and the long-term health costs associated with ingesting chemicals.

There are also ways to offset the increased out-of-pocket expenses incurred by prioritizing organic foods.

Committing to cooking whole foods from scratch – alongside careful meal planning, home gardening and food preservation – can largely counteract the cost of organic food purchases. The process is gradual. Change takes time. And all of us have to work within our budgets.

Which is where the dirty dozen and the clean 15 come into play. The list is a resource to help you make the best choices for your health and for the earth, whatever your current budget or state of ‘greenness’. If eating from the dirty dozen list (non-organic) be sure to wash the fruit and vegetables well before consumption. (Find my handmade fruit and veggie wash here)…

The Dirty Dozen (in order of contamination)

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1. Apples
2. Celery
3. Sweet bell peppers
4. Peaches
5. Strawberries
6. Nectarines
7. Grapes
8. Spinach
9. Lettuce
10. Cucumbers
11. Blueberries
12. Potatoes

The Clean Fifteen (in order of least contamination)

1. Onions
2. Sweet Corn
3. Pineapples
4. Avocado
5. Cabbage
6. Sweet peas
7. Asparagus
8. Mangoes
9. Eggplant
10. Kiwi
11. Cantaloupe
12. Sweet potatoes
13. Grapefruit
14. Watermelon
15. Mushrooms

Avocado

…and that’s a wrap – WOW! Be sure to screen shot the dirty dozen and clean fifteen lists for next you visit your local grocery store – or you can use this information to inspire a fresh change, and find a Good Food Club/Organic Drop off/Collection food system (such as Think Organic) in your area. I’m finally in the groove of ordering all my animal products (dairy/meat etc.) from local farmers and so bub number 3 is in for a treat.

Please don’t feel overwhelmed by all this info – one small change is how everyone starts, and often leads to the next small change and before you know it, life is looking a little different. Encourage the change, prioritize and go for it! Good Luck.

A HUGE HUGE thank you to Deidre and the Nutripaeds Team. They are fantastic and so inspiring! Visit them on Facebook here and online here and please give them some love.

sound-nutritional-advice-for-the-whole-family-1

xxx

That uncomfortable work-in-progress feeling…

All pics in this post are a personal reminder to myself of life LIVED, before things were perfect (if they ever get there – which I doubt they will)…

There is a lyric in an All Sons and Daughters song which says ‘I need you, oh how I need you’ and while not everyone may share what I believe in (the song refers to needing Jesus), wow, at times I’m made SO aware of my failings, my weaknesses and my insecurities. And it’s a bit of a relief to admit, right?

EVER-DAY, by virtue of the fact that I’m a mom and a wife, I’m made fully aware (often it’s blinding) of my weaknesses. That’s what marriage and parenting will offer you. No doubt.

Backdrop pic edit

So here we are, in our new home. We’re 7ish weeks away from welcoming our third child, and first daughter into our family. I’m so fortunate. Lovely home, great neighbourhood, beautiful healthy family, supportive and hands on parents, incredibly generous and thoughtful in-laws, friends who I still can’t believe are friends with ME (they are THAT awesome), health, ability, skill, means… And I’m mortifyingly unsatisfied (give me grace, I’m also 33 weeks pregnant and HYPER emotional/sensitive).

I’d choose skimmed walls, downlighting and Liberia coloured walls over a years supply of pre-cooked meals, dummies, wipes and the cutest Cotton On Baby gear out there. I’d choose an interior designer to redo my entire house than have babysitting offered to me free and at any given time. And I’d definitely choose a 15 hour labour over a 2 hour one if it meant someone would magically rip up our hideously stained carpet and replace it with something… ANYTHING! My poor husband is up at sparrow to get to work and home again at a decent time, and is often welcomed home by a ratty, exhausted, (quite possibly) sloppily dressed, pregnant princess asking (hinting) at if ‘we’ (we know it’s not a ‘we’) should paint this room, or skim that room, or replace the door handles here or move the shelves there or or or, and if we (‘we’) can do it RIGHT NOW. And if we’re honest, I’m not up for paint fumes, carrying heavy stuff or climbing onto things so one could consider me almost entirely useless. I make soup. And a lot of it. But I’m also very pregnant and the urge to NEST (which is REAL) has hit an all time high.

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So selfishly, I want to put EVERYTHING on pause, have life be perfect, and then we can all unpause and continue. Let’s do that shall we?

family shoot

But that’s not REAL life. That’s not how this works (and I want to burst into big blubbery sobs just typing that truth). My revelation? Aren’t we ALWAYS a work-in-progress? Be it in our careers, our weight or appearance, our home renovations (or upgrade or needing new linen or curtains or size bed or to have that slightly ‘nicer’ postal code), our marriage and parenting skill (or lack of), OR our desperation to be married or a parent. Are we not constantly working on our image or reputation or the impression we like to portray on social media? Goodness, it doesn’t always need to be flashy – I’m constantly challenged that I’m not giving enough back to my community, or helping at some non-profit. And so while I said I wouldn’t hang our most precious Vancouver artwork ‘until we get into our new house’ – that has now been shifted to ‘when our walls are flat’, and then ‘Liberia coloured’. Okay, then I’ll hang it up. It’s like never burning that scented candle which has now, I’m fairly certain, no scent left. Shame.

So here’s my challenge to you as I very reluctantly and painfully turn this around and stare it in the face myself. How do we live to our fullest, in this place of ‘not yet’. I see so many similarities in the life I stumble through in my faith, in my marriage, in my parenting, in my wanting to achieve. How can we find genuine fulfilment in the undone, the imperfect? It’s a good question, huh? Dare to offer any suggestions?

Snow

I am a textbook work-in-progress. I think we all are. And I think creating the image that we have it all together is not only brutally unhelpful for those struggling, but, is a big fat lie. Hunger itself is a symptom of knowing we are not self-sustainable. Dirt (as in dust and mould and all other frustrating and gross unstoppable forces) will always be there. Like split ends after a fresh hair cut. We cannot control everything… please, I can barely control my kids without the threat of erasing ‘Blaze and the Monster Machines’, Saturday morning pancakes, or some form of sugar.

And it’s okay. You’re doing okay. Let’s be in this crazy uncomfortable place together, and allow it to be okay, to live in the mess, and the dirt, and the celebration, and the sorrow, and the joy of our very beautiful reality.

And hold me to hanging that artwork…

kids standing on beach

It’s not about us…

I love my kids. I love, love, LOOOOVE them. I want to squish them until they pop and hold them tight so they don’t grow up. I want to hear them laugh, be child-like, climb trees, run through sprinklers, mess chocolate all over their faces, learn, discover, explore, adventure and I want to plan their next birthday party (yes, even though I just said I didn’t want them to grow up – you know what I mean), just like the majority of moms out there. Recently I was made aware of this GREAT campaign #carseatfullstop – raising awareness of the importance and car seat safety, and so I’m adding my voice to the many other bloggers and moms out there who care deeply…

Maybe you’re like me, and from the time you first had littlies, it’s been a pretty automatic move to strap your kids in. It becomes second nature like putting on their nappies or tying their shoelaces. And yes, absolutely, it totally infuriates me when I see kids who have not been safely buckled in. First I get all ragey and flap my arms and hoot my horn and then clam down, breathe and pray those little lives make it to their destination safely.

carseatfullstop

And then yesterday, I read this post about a young boy in the States who, only 2 weeks ago, wriggled out of his car seat and was in an accident, and didn’t make it. It is one of those posts which you want to stop reading, because it is nothing less than utterly heartbreaking and completely soul destroying, but your eyes won’t let you. And while, with the launch of this campaign, there is SO much amazing awareness, access to statistics, encouragement and valid rebuke around this topic, here is what I have been thinking about recently:

It is not about you (me).

It is not about you not making the mistake on the road. While we like to think we’re in control of most things, we really aren’t. We can’t control the natural disaster, sleepy or drunk driver, or the innocent yet flawed human causing a total accident. We may not be in the wrong, but that doesn’t mean we can stop it from happening.

It is not about convenience. It’s about safety never taking a holiday. It is about taking those few minutes to secure the harness. It’s not about ‘just down the street’ or ‘just around the corner’. It is also not like you have to run around the car 12 times and do 30 push ups before you are allowed to thread their arms through the straps and buckle them in.

And lastly, it is not just not about you, but it IS about them. Little lives that often aren’t heard (except maybe for the screaming of infants). Innocent lives, entirely dependant on forward thinking parents. Wow, the God-given role of watching and caring for these little lives is huge.


Maybe you’ve never even imaged the devastation that can occur from car seat neglect. If you give it a moments thought, I’m sure like many of us, the horror is paralysing. Awareness, awareness, awareness. Let’s raise awareness. I pray that everyone reading this will never experience the kind of unimaginable pain car seat neglect can bring.

Thanks to Mandy and her Team, there is page after page of inspiring reading around this topic. Browse it here and help save a life. And heartache, regret and brokenness.

Let’s be better, and do better.

xxx

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How to Remain Minimalist when all you want to do is buy more Scatter Cushions

So, almost 10 years after getting married, while pregnant with our third child and 1.5yrs after returning from overseas, we fiiiiiiiiiiinally have our own real grown up home (thanks hubby). And being pregnant, I’m in overdrive on the nesting and wanting to make our home, a HOME. Unpacking boxes from a) our childhoods, b) Durban living and c) Vancouver, we are surrounded by awesome stuff (and some not so awesome) and all I can think about is un-stippling the walls and buying scatter cushions.


This is our baby’s room. And that’s me 3rd trimester pregnant, not panicking at all. 

Hubby is a DIY one. Thank you God. Really. I’d happily choose DIY man over chef man. He is so handy I have lists FOR HIM, and sometimes get a little panicky if I imagine him dying… random but true. Because, well, he does a LOT. (Here is what is running through my head on an average day nowadays)…

  • We need a king size bed before baby arrives, which means we need the base from our 4 year olds’ room, which means we need bunks for the boys (hubby to make) so baby can have our toddlers cot. Reshuffling the whole family. No biggie.
  • We need to un-stipple the walls, pronto.
  • We need a headboard (hubby to make), with matchy matchy bedside tables (hubby to make as well).
  • Did I mention un-stippling the walls?
  • We need frames around all the mirrors in the house (hubby to make).
  • A complete re-haul of the kitchen (oh you know, as you do).
  • I need scatter cushions.
  • I’m desperate for a frame jewelry display (hubby to make).
  • Replace all lights switches and redo lighting throughout the house.
  • and and and and aaaaaaaaaaaand.

And allllll I can think about is how tiny our pillows look on our new king bed (which we now have – YAY) and how I need scatter cushions to make it look better. Never-mind the built in desk and shelves which have been ripped from the boys’ room, and the half un-stippled walls in the baby’s room and the double bed sitting in the family room waiting for it to be made into a murphy bed in the guest room (which is not yet fully unpacked) and and and aaaaaaaaaand. (Sounding familiar?) So often I just flop on the couch and watch Wimbledon with a bowl of pre-made cake icing and a spoon.

And while there are HUGE house projects on the go – I’m having a split personality moment between not buying unnecessary nonsense and ‘stuff’, and wanting to remain SO minimalist the rooms echo, and spending my retirement annuity on frames, new towels, pot plants, mason jars, fancy light fittings and the latest Breville coffee machine. So while I convince myself daily to NOT buy scatter cushions (and rugs and a new fireplace which is becoming more and more urgent), I’m enforcing – military style – many of fellow blogger Joshua Becker‘s thoughts surrounding keeping the home clutter and stress free. Think Zen.

So here they are. I feel like we’ve been given a clean slate with our new house so minimalist already, that building great habits (maintaining minimalism) can only better things. Even when I DO find the perfect scatter cushions.

joshuabeckerquote

15 Clutter Busting Routines for any Family: (Joshua Becker)

Disclaimer: for us non North ‘Mericans (not facing the most un-believ-able political circus), don’t be put off by words like junk-mail, garbage, coat closet and trash. You know what they mean.

1. Place junk mail immediately into a recycling bin. Take note of the natural flow of mail into your home. Placing a recycling container prior to your “mail drop-off zone” can catch most of that junk mail before it even reaches your counter. And as an added bonus, you’ll begin to look through less of it too (think advertisements).

2. Store kitchen appliances out of sight. Toasters, can openers, coffee makers… they all take up space. And while it may not seem like much space by looking at them, the first time you prepare dinner on a counter without them present, you’ll quickly notice the difference. If you think it’s going to be a hassle putting them away every morning, don’t. It takes less than 6 seconds to put each appliance away… once you’ve found a home for it that is.

3. Remove 10 articles of clothing from your closet today. Go ahead. If you are typical, it’ll take you roughly 5 minutes to grab 10 articles of clothing that you no longer wear and throw them in a box. Your remaining clothes will fit better in your closet. Your closet will be able to breathe again. And if you write “Goodwill” on the box when you are done, you’ll feel better about yourself as soon as you drop it off. Most likely, you’ll find yourself inspired to do it again.

4. Fold clean clothes / Remove dirty clothes immediately. The way I handle clothes these days is one of the biggest clutter changes I have made in my life. Unfortunately, I used to be a “throw-them-on-the-floor” guy. But now I handle each one right when I take it off. Dirty clothes down the clothes chute. Clean clothes back to the hanger or drawer. That’s it. It’s really that simple. How do the dirty ones magically appear clean and folded in my closet you ask… I’m not sure. You’ll need to ask my wife.

5. Kids’ bedroom toys live in the closet. Not on the floor. Not on the dresser. But in the closet. And when the closet gets too full of toys, it’s time to make some room. Hint, it’s usually safe to remove the toys at the bottom of the pile.

6. Kids pick up their toys each evening. This has countless benefits: 1) It teaches responsibility. 2) It helps kids realize that more isn’t always better. 3) The home is clean for mom and dad when the kids are in bed. 4) It’s a clear indication that the day has come to an end. Gosh, you’d think with all these benefits it would be easier for us to get the kids to do it…

(I have to butt in here. Growing up, my hubby had what his family called ‘Tidy Up Time’ at 5pm every night. He was 1 of 4 so you can imagine the mess. This is one of his most scarring memories as a child and he HATED it. Now that we have noise-making mud balls of children ourselves, and we’re moving from big block Duplo to small block Lego, he is ready to reinforce it. Too funny.)

7. Fill your containers for the garbage man. Use every trash pick-up day as an excuse to fill your recycling containers and/or garbage cans. Grab a box of old junk from the attic… old toys from the toy room… old food from the pantry… old paperwork from the office. If once a week is too often, do this exercise every other week. You’ll get the hang of it. And may even begin to enjoy trash morning… okay, I won’t go that far.

8. Halve decorations. No seriously, I mean it. Grab a box and walk through your living room. Remove decorations from shelves, tables, and walls that aren’t absolutely beautiful or meaningful. You may like it better than you think. If not, you can always put them back. But I’d bet my wife’s old high school yearbooks that you won’t return all of them.

9. Wash dishes right away. Hand washing some dishes takes less time than putting them in the dishwasher. This applies to cups, breakfast bowls, dinner plates, and silverware. If hand washed right after eating, it takes hardly any time at all. If however, hand washing is just not an option for you, be sure to put used dishes in the dishwasher right away. Nobody likes walking into a kitchen with dishes piled up in the sink or on the counter… and it’s even less fun eating in there.

10. Unmix and match cups, bowls, plates, and silverware. Uniformity makes for better stacking, storing, and accessing. If there is a souvenir cup or mug that is so important to you that you can’t live without it, that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t keep 5 of them. Mom, any chance you are reading this?

11. Keep your desk clear and clean. Drawers can adequately house most of the things needed to keep your desk functional. And a simple filing system should keep it clear of paper clutter. The next person who sits down to use the desk will thank you.

12. Store your media out of sight. Make a home for dvd’s, cd’s, video games, and remote controls. They don’t need to be in eyesight, you use them less than you think. And if you remove them from your eyesight… maybe you’ll use them even less.

13. Always leave room in your coat closet. There are two reasons why coats, shoes, and outerwear keep ending up scattered throughout your home rather than in your closet. The first reason is because your coat closet is so full, it’s a hassle to put things away and retrieve them quickly. Leave room on the floor, on the hangers, and on the shelves for used items to be quickly put away and retrieved. The second reason is because you have kids… but you’re on your own with that one.

14. Keep flat surfaces clear. Kitchen counters, bathroom counters, bedroom dressers, tabletops… After you clear them the first time, keeping them clean takes daily effort. Receipts, coins, and paper clutter just keep coming and coming… it’s just easier the second time around.

15. Finish a magazine or newspaper. Process or recycle immediately. If you’ve finished the paper product, process it and rid yourself of its clutter immediately. Good recipe in there? Put it in your recipe box and recycle the rest. Good article that your husband will enjoy? Clip it and recycle.  Article that your friend will enjoy? Clip it, mail it, and recycle (or better yet, search for it online and send it that way). Coupon too good to pass up? Cut it out and recycle. Stacks of magazines and newspapers serve little purpose in life but to clutter a room.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh – are you feeling all light and breezy like me?

Featured Image credit: www.thedormyhouse.com

Keeping bugs away, Pure Beginnings’ way

We were recently up in Durbs doing some work and visiting friends and our little gorgeous terrors were their usual gorgeous terror selves. One afternoon we went to see our friends’ beautiful new home and our eldest needed the bathroom. (Why is it, that they still need to tell us each time they go?) Anyways, so I pointed out the bathroom feeling quite chuffed he was old enough to go through the routine of ‘lift seat, pull down pants, aim well, flush toilet, wash hands… aaaaand you’re done’ all by himself. It’s the small things guys, the small things.

Next minute I hear some strange wailing from the bathroom. I pop my head in and my littlie is balancing his (fortunately dressed) bum on the basin edge, tears streaming down his cheeks and his facial expression matching that of a deer in the headlights. “Sohhh-ryyyy, sohhh- ryyy” coming from his mouth, I look to the floor and there lay a smashed ceramic liquid soap dispenser with liquid soap spilling all over the tiles. My poor child, so obedient on the post-pee hand washing, had struggled with the pump and it had caused the whole bottle to slide off the counter and smash on the floor. Oh man, it was a little heart-breaking. Shame, it turns out it was a tricky one to use and needed replacing – or so our wonderfully forgiving friends said.

I was quite proud though, that my almost-4-year-old had taken the hand-washing so seriously. Fighting what felt like a plague of bugs pre-Durbs, I was going overboard with juicing my fave health booster juice (orange, carrot and ginger) and dealing with snotty noses, coughs and general gross-ness, I had almost forgotten about the importance of hand washing

I stand with the whole ‘don’t over sanitise’ tribe, and love dirt and mud and getting messy. But I absolutely believe in washing ones hands as well. Kids need to be exposed to all sorts of things, and while I don’t believe in extreme hospital hygiene measures at home, I do recommend a healthy hand washing routine, especially after the toilet, and most certainly during winter.

Kids hygiene hand wash

And that’s why I love Pure Beginnings’ Hygiene Hand Wash. It:

  • is anti-bacterial*, and protects against the spread of germs (*laboratory tested to kill over 99.9% of bacteria in accordance with SABS standard SANS 5261),
  • is free of triclosan and other harmful chemical ingredients,
  • contains Organic Rooibos Leaf Extract – rich in anti-oxidants,
  • has powerful soothing and healing properties,
  • and then it’s just super cute and looks great in any bathroom (and with the EcoCert certified plastic packaging, it won’t smash).

All round this is a win win! My kids think it is adorable, it keeps them bug free, and it has no nonsense in it. No ‘nasties‘ as they like to call it – no parabens, phalates, sulfates, petrochemicals or formaldehyde, among others.

Next time you hit up your local grocery store for your new liquid soap, have a little rethink about what is in it, what it then on your hands, and what you do and touch every day. Ermmm… safe to say, I think you’ll want to wash hands the Pure Beginnings way.