Tag Archives: family

Epsom Salt – and why it’s awesome

June 25, 2016epsom salt, family, family health, home tips, pregnancyDebbie

I first heard about epsom salt way back in 2008 when I used to work at a Health and Wellness clinic. Primarily it was used to pop in a warm bath and increase magnesium absorption (which is good for you obviously). It’s a pretty cheap product to buy so I used to get some from time to time, and even used to make my own magnesium scrubs with epsom salt and essential oils (you know, before kids).

A friend had a truck load she was trying to get rid of and so I bought 6kg. Usually my go to – is to run a nice hot epsom salt bath, but there are MANY other uses for this little whiteish rock type stuff and knowing it was great to use during pregnancy, I thought I’d remind myself of its uses and benefits.

Thanks to Wellness Mama, here is a super comprehensive list of ways and means to use it. Hold your breath – its coming up…

First off, epsom salt is a really good source of magnesium. Magnesium is necessary for hundreds of functions within the body, but is especially important for:

Gives rigidity AND flexibility to your bones (more important than Calcium in many cases)
Increases bioavailability of calcium
Regulates and normalizes blood pressure
Prevents and reverses kidney stone formation
Promotes restful sleep
Helps prevent congestive heart failure
Eases muscle cramps and spasms
Lowers serum cholesterol levels and triglycerides
Decreases insulin resistance
Can prevent atherosclerosis and stroke
End cluster and migraine headaches
Enhances circulation
Relieves fibromyalgia and chronic pain
Treats asthma and emphysema
Helps make proteins
Encourages proper elimination
Prevents osteoporosis
Proper Vitamin D absorption
Protection from radiation
To aid weight loss
Lessen or remove ADD or ADHD in children
in proper digestion of carbohydrates
emerging evidence is showing a preventative role in many cancers
(source)

… all I can think about now is how I can persuade my hubby to buy me a huge free standing bath, equipped with candles, surround sound of All Sons & Daughters (what the heck, just make it sound proof), with Lindt dark choc balls on request. Surely that’s not too hard.

Here is the list of ways in which you can easily use epsom salt. I’ve bolded my fave.

As a relaxing Magnesium Bath Soak – Add at least 1 cup of epsom salt to a warm bath and soak for 20 minutes.
Splinter Removal – soak in concentrated epsom salt water to pull out a splinter.
Magnesium Foot Scrub – make a homemade magnesium scrub (recipe here) for a boost of magnesium and super soft skin.
Better Vegetables – add a tablespoon of epsom salt to the soil below a tomato plant to boost growth. (Your veggies need magnesium too!)
Facial Wash – add a pinch of epsom salt to your usual face cleaner for a skin exfoliating magnesium boost.
Tile/Grout Cleaner – mix equal parts of liquid dish soap and epsom salts and use to scrub tile and grout. Rinse well for a streak free shine.
Body Aches – add 2 cups of epsom salt to a warm bath and soak for at least 20 minutes to help relieve muscle sprains and for a transdermal magnesium boost.
Homemade Sea Salt Spray – make your own sea salt spray to add texture and volume to hair- recipe here.
Water House Plants – help house plants grow by adding a couple tablespoons of epsom salt to the water when you water them.
Volumeizing Hair Mask – combine equal parts of conditioner and epsom salt and leave on hair for 20 minutes. Rinse well and let air dry for thicker hair.
Foot Soak – for a concentrated magnesium boost, add 1 cup of epsom salt to a hot foot soak and soak for 20 minutes.
Get rid of slugs – have slugs in your garden or on your patio? Sprinkle epsom salt to deter them. (I’ve heard you can do this with moles too!)
Making Magnesium Lotion – using magnesium flakes is a better option, but in a pinch, you can use epsom salt to make homemade magnesium oil (recipe here).
Laxative – for occasional constipation, a teaspoon of epsom salt dissolved in water can help. Check with a doctor first.
Beautiful Roses – add a tablespoon a week to the soil around rose bushes before watering for faster growth.
Soil Prep – before planting, we add a few bags of epsom salt to the soil in the garden and water in to help replenish soil magnesium levels.
Headache relief – there is evidence that soaking in a soothing epsom salt bath may help relieve headache.
Smooth skin – mix 1/2 cup epsom salt with 1/4 cup olive oil and scrub skin in the shower for healthy and smooth skin.
Itchy Skin or Bug Bites – dissolve a tablespoon of epsom salt in to 1/2 cup of water and cool. Spritz on itchy skin or apply a wet compress to help relieve itching.
Minor Sunburn Relief – use the same ratio in the itchy skin relief above and spritz on to minor sunburns to help soothe them.
Help Kids Sleep Better – add a cup to kids’ bath water before bed to help them sleep peacefully… (I’ve definitely done this on a number of occasions).

That’s enough to keep us going for a while. If you’re interested to read more about magnesium, check out this link.

Now, go and run that bath already.

Image credit: www.doctoroz.com and www.livestrong.com

Oh, to be loved

April 29, 2016birthdays, celebrations, family, love, Ryler CaelDebbie

My little bub, Ryler Cael, turned 2 today.

“And so on April 29th 2014, just before 7am, after a beautifully real and intense labour (another significant space between), and water birth, Ryler Cael became Ryler Cael – We are : We become in the space between. We are, because YOU are.

And so to our dear Ryler – may you become an inspirer, a community builder, an intentionally relational being, an arm-lifter of the weak.

And as his daddy said to him on the day he was born, ‘the love is in the space between us; you’ll always be safe there’.” (read full post about his name here).

And besides the ‘oh my goodness, I had the most incredible birth’ feelings (which were COMPLETELY overwhelming last year – wow!), or the ‘how can you be 2, you should still be 8 weeks old’ feelings, or the adoration we feel when he tries to copy our words (which is simply the cutest thing everrrr) or the excitement we see in his pure delight while screaming ‘boooooons’ (balloons) or ‘birrrrdayyyy’ (birthday), or ‘hoooooorayyy’ at the end of his own birthday sing-a-long or answering ‘me me me’ to the question of ‘whose birthday is it today???’… this year I’ve been struck by the raw and real response he gives to simply being loved.

We live in community (on the same property) with my parents, and so in true keeping-with-Stephenson (my maiden name) style, we like to DO birthdays. Spoils, excitement, boooons, getting up early and singing, presents and cake. This is 100% unnecessary (in trying to continue a minimalist approach), but it is fun, and I really enjoy doing it – so that won’t change quickly. Our little now-toddler doesn’t need all this stuff, I know, but we love giving it to him. And I certainly kept it simple with gifts this year – which was a nice, guilt-free change.

But the love, oh the LOVE. The way his eyes light up when he sees mommy or daddy coming to get him from his crib in the morning and the big cuddles and morning exchanges that then ensue. The delight he feels in the love from his ‘sham’ (gran) and ‘papa’ (grampa) as they join in adoringly. We know we’re blessed. There is just so much love.

Yesterday my almost-4yr-old spent his whole morning baking a cake for Ryler with my mom. Literally, the whole morning. And he decorated it too. And he nibbled off a few gummy bears and stole a couple m&m’s, and it was a little less than perfect but it WAS perfect because he had a ball and he was SO proud of his efforts. All for his younger brothers birthday… (sure, the sharing – or not – of Ryler’s presents this morning was not as adorable a task), but the LOVE.

This morning Ryler soaked.it.all.up. The balloons, the singing, the cake (oh the cake), the presents, the toys, the books and jelly beans. His face expressed it and his body exuded it. He knew he was loved. And actually, it didn’t matter, the ‘stuff’. Had it just been us, beaming with pride as we squeezed our little man full of birthday-ness, he would have known it full well, and just as well.

And so this morning, his unashamed and unreserved delight made me think deeper into what it means, and what a huge, huge blessing it is to BE loved. Feeling loved, and knowing one is loved is important (life changing really), but being loved. And we ARE loved. At the risk of getting all spiritual for those who do not follow the same faith we do… know, that you ARE loved.

And oh, if it is This Love that allows me to continue loving, then bring it on. Let us love: deep, wide, high, low, in joy, in sorrow, in confidence, in doubt.

Let us just LOVE.

Happy Birthday Ryler Cael. You are loved.

I’m BAAAAAACK! And there is more of me…

April 6, 2016cape town, family, health, pregnancy, prenatal supplements, thoughtsDebbie

I’ve been quiet. Sorry about that. While I previously would have been blogging and trying new recipes, and learning life lessons, going on more adventures with the kids, making new DIY thingy-majigs, finding new ipad apps (our old ones are not longer cuttting it), and sourcing new eco products… I’ve been napping, and going for scans, having serious food aversions, napping some more, overdosing on kauai smoothies, doing more napping, and peeing. A lot.

Yep, I’m pregnant, with number 3. While it was still under cover, I read this blog post by blogger Cindy Alfino (from 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 old house). It made me laugh HARD, especially the bit about closing your eyes when paying school fees. Truth. Thanks for the laugh Cindy.

Back to it! Sooo… we’re pregnant. Again. Fortunately, besides the exhaustion of managing two small boystrous boys (covered in noise and dirt, constantly) it’s been fairly okay. I’ve experienced food aversion in a big way – and afternoon exhaustion at its peak – but into the 2nd tri I’ve got my Superwoman cape on and I’m even taking both boys to the aquarium (DURING the school holidays mind you, pushing a HEAVY double stroller with NO air in its tyres surrounded by thousands of holidayers). You should see my speed and agility when the kids run in opposite directions. It’s award winning. I bought myself a mcflurry after to reward myself for my efforts. I deserved it.

Having had both my kids in Vancouver, this Cape Town birth idea was a bit new to me, but at the same time, I’ve never been as intentionally green (especially with my kids) as I am now. This is exciting. I find myself being VERY aware of what I put on my skin, and what I eat, which in all honesty, on the eating part… I haven’t been all that great (besides my weekly 2 x Kauai smoothies thanks to Vitality Fitness Rewards) – but when it comes to skincare – I’ve been military style. Sounds a bit hypocritical, and maybe it is, but give a pregnant woman a break will ya?

When it comes to my prenatal supply, I’m all over it, happily sourcing some of the best products available in SA. A friend recently asked me what I’m using prenatally, and here it is… (inspired by Wellness Mama, and a 3hr stint in emergency at 11 weeks with crazy abdominal pain).

Solgar Prenatal Tablets:
Solgar Folate: (see the difference between folate and folic acid here)
The Real Thing Pro Probiotics:
The Real Thing Mega Omega Supreme:

Solgar products contain no preservatives, no artificial flavouring (I’d prefer if my prenatals didn’t look like giant pink smarties), as well as being gluten free, dairy free, yeast free, wheat free, sugar free.

I’m no doctor, but I do like the Solgar and The Real Thing ranges – and felt safe taking them. Probiotics are recommended during pregnancy for overall gut health and to avoid GBS if possible (although I was GBS+ during both boys’ pregnancies), and you can’t forget your omegas.

And so that’s where we’re at. More gushy, hormone-driven, pregnant, baby info is sure to come flying your way, but I’ll leave you with this precious moment yesterday with my midwife at Birth Options – the boys listening to the sound of their baby sisters heart beat. YES, it’s a GIRL (…we think – as much as the 13 week scan can tell you)… I’ll be sure to confirm after 21 weeks.

We are BLESSED! xxx

Oh good, more chocolate

March 17, 2016Easter, family, family recipes, food, Healthy eating, homemadeDebbie

Right, so we all know I’m (somewhat) addicted to sugar and I’ve done my UTMOST to hide this from my children. But it’s Easter, and we all know what that means. Clay can sure recite the story of Jesus and ‘Judith’ to whoever wishes to listen but as soon as those flashy, crinkly, bright foil covered chocolate anythings come near his body, it’s tickets.

If only I had enough energy to make time in my quiet, calm, relaxing afternoons with my boys to collectively and joyfully make our own homemade chocolate in moulds with no spilling, no screaming and no one burning each other. But alas, we don’t, so, having bought possibly the most winning present EVER for the kids for Christmas last year (our ZOKU instant pop maker), I thought I would try my hand at some healthy quick pops this year for Easter and try avoid the chocolate as much as possible. My kids can sense sugar a mile away so I certainly wont be winning entirely.

I found this awesome recipe for Healthy Easter Egg Breakfast Popsicles. Check them out!

So, here’s what you need:

Ingredients:

500g yoghurt*
handful granola/muesli
handful blueberries
handful raspberries (… any berries really…)
(*you can use different types of store bought yoghurt (flavoured/plain/greek), or make your own homemade yoghurt using your Wonderbag).

Equipment:

Egg shaped silicone mould or muffin cups (I’ll use my quick pop maker I think, although these egg shaped silicone moulds are too cute!)
lollipop or cake pop sticks

Method:

Place a small dollop of yoghurt into each egg in your silicone mould/quick pop maker, filling each egg to about a third. Push chunks of granola into the yoghurt, then add a few raspberries and blueberries to each egg too.

Place a lolly stick into each compartment, laying it down as flat as possible.

Fill each egg to the top with yoghurt, making sure it covers all of the fruit and the lolly stick.

Place mould in the freezer and freeze for at least 2 hours or overnight, until the eggs are frozen through and solid. Once frozen, pop out of the moulds, leave the popsicles on a plate at room temperature for a couple of minutes to soften a little then serve immediately.

Yeeeuuuum. Healthy Easter 101.

A good time or a good story

March 4, 2016Bainskloof, cape town, family, memories, silence, thoughts, weekendDebbie

This post is nothing other than a rambling that I started this morning while dropping my toddler off at school (and I’m posting it here for the sake of it being stored in some archive which the kids and I can read at a later stage). Can I even call our toddler a toddler? I feel like with the smart-ness of his specs and his un-be-liev-a-ble memory, I can’t actually call him that anymore.

A great life motto we picked up from a dear friend in Vancouver when something doesn’t go QUITE like we planned is this: It’s either a good time or a good story. Store that gem in your brain files.

So while dropping off my post-toddler toddler at play school this morning, our past weekend experience popped up in conversation. You know the one about the flea infestation, the buying of 4 doom foggers, the family camp out in the kitchen and the vomiting? No? Oh well – brace yourselves.

OUR GOOD STORY:

Our family was DESPERATE (read: des-per-ate for more effect) for a weekend away. There is WAY too much going on in our lives and the Bainskloof family cottage was our light at the end of the tunnel. Change of jobs (involving some shenanigans by the ex-company which we are VERY glad is an EX), on-going building renovations, constant drilling and noise, and and and… called for some very much needed time.out. The week leading up to Bainskloof started with vomiting from the youngest, then conveniently passed to eldest (post-toddler toddler) which then settled, and juuuust when we thought we’d dealt with it, nope, it came right back. Great. Then hubby started, and let’s just say the next few days were a blur of all things we dont like to admit we have. Let’s just call it gastro-esque.

I’d been in emergency at hospital that week myself at 5:45am one morning (long story, it’s all good) and so listen, with the family barely holding on by a thread, as Thursday night/Friday morning approached, we had our eyes on the prize – a weekend at Bains. Just us, no noise, only sunsets, braais, hammock sleeping, the river… bliss. Did I say no noise?

So, even with hubby and I both functioning around 50% of normal capacity, we did it. We packed the car to.the.brim. Food, clothes, nappies, camp cot, bedding, pillows, linen, swimming cossies, bikes, toys, books, balls, running stuff, mozzie repellent, fan to keep mozzies away (I HATE mozzies), sunscreen, medical aid kit, not enough warm clothes, our kitchen sink – you name it, we’d packed it. We loaded the family in the car, handed them some milk tart to stuff in their faces and off we set for the 1hr15min drive which only took us 2hr30min on a Friday leaving at 2pm. Yup. We should’ve known things were going south. But let’s stay positive.

We ARRIVE. Hallelujah. Let’s all get out the car and kiss the dusty, dry Bainskloof ground.

Here’s where I’ll speed up the weekend for the sake of you all reading the longest post ever.

Drop bags/beds/linen in cottage. Find flea on smallest child. Think nothing of it (other than I hadn’t seen one since we had a dog). Find flea on post-toddler toddler, think “that’s strange”. Find flea/s on myself. OH SH*T, the cottage is infested with FLEAS. Hubby and I look at each other in despair. Hubby frantically removes bags/beds/linen from cottage. No energy in reserve tank for this. Big undies need indeed be worn (if they’re not flea infested already). *Sigh.

What do we do? With one Doom fogger on hand we fog the place and decide to leave that night after sunset. We thought we’d hit the river, have a braai, leave after dark with sleeping kids in the car. Then we decide we don’t actually WANT to go home (besides the fact that we’ve mustered all our energy to just GET THERE). Decide to check out some chalets across the road for the night. Decide to not pay R400 to sleep for 6 hours. Neighbour offers flea-free mattresses. We gratefully accept. We camp out on the floor of the kitchen (a separate flea-free dwelling) – a family sleepover. The things kids’ dreams are made of. Kids are LOVING it. There are only about 5 things to do at Bains: braai (and eat), go throw stones and swim in the river, melt marshies, watch the sunset and sleep. We’ve done them all. Kids think we’re winning.

After another session of Doom fogging (apparently one wasn’t enough for the buggers – the greenie in me screaming inwardly at the thought) and proper ventilating, we managed to move back in the following night and enjoy the rest of our weekend, along with some projectile vomiting from both kids (ahhh good, seems we brought the bug with us) and more than our fair share of necessary nappy changes on the youngest. Gross. Both kids poopy and vomity and refusing to eat their boerewors rolls, but desperate as desperate gets for s’mores. Do your kids also not swallow over-chewed meat? Mine neither. Do you also try enforce the no dessert without dinner rule? Us too. Makes for a good time. S’mores consumed, then vomited, then time for bed. No bathing, no teeth brushing (and certainly no flossing), barely a change of clothes was had – how we roll in survival mode.

Sunday morning brought with it more joy and happiness (and less projectile anything). Lots of cuddling in the hammock, story reading and counting gum tree pip/seed things. Post-toddler toddler content as. Pancakes, milo (bad idea in retrospect) and left over marshmallows filled the morning with delight. My phone had died the Friday night (and we’d brought the wrong charger) so the entire weekend was phone free (and this post clearly photo free). Something I struggle to force myself to do, but when it’s forced upon me, it’s FAN-TASTIC.

So just when you think your day is going bad… ask yourself? Did you have a flea infestation and two vomming children with you?

TAKE AWAYS

On the bright side, let’s think about what we learnt:

– all jobs are better with a friend (such as cleaning vom or shoving the post-toddler toddler to your spouses side of the bed).
– s’mores solve a lot of things
– Bainskloof has the most incredible sunsets
– watching our kids throw stones into the river and splash about makes it so worth it
– the smell of a wood braai out in nature releases happy hormones I’m sure
– the thought of how content our kids are in silence and with no toys
– getting away from noise really does clear your head
– the EXPERIENCE is (almost) ALWAYS worth the effort.

Your turn! Tell me your good story…

Gratitude Jar

January 10, 2016family, gratitude, gratitude jar, health, new year, positivity, thankfulnessDebbie

The Gratitude Jar. Every year I say I’m going to make one, and every year I don’t. Alright, in fairness, I only saw this idea on Pinterest a couple years ago but I’m choosing this year to be intentional about gratitude and so, here goes.

The idea is to get (make/decorate) a jar, try and write down something that you’re grateful for each day, put it in there, and read through them at the end of the year (New Years Eve). So before the happy thought or moment slips past, grab a post-it and pen, scribble it down (a memory, a thought, an emotion related to something, a moment you wish to hold onto) and pop it in the jar.

(Or you could get something a little more fancy like this – read more here).

Cliche ahead – but isn’t life made up of the small stuff? The chilli poppers your hubby bought on the way home from work, the smell of fresh clean linen, that extra long coffee and laugh-till-you-cry with a close friend, a song that inspires you, a surprise delivery of your favourite flowers, or when your toddler potty trains himself… (WHAT am I talking about? That’s NO small thing!!).

We are so so busy nowadays that it is easy to forget about the beauty and depth in these seemingly small things. Sure, jot down your trip to Thailand or your new convertible, but I think reading back, it’s going to be the new puppy who was added to the family, the look in your kids’ eyes at Christmas, your fave new recipe or the all-nighter spent playing Monopoly Deal with your besties that will bring the smile to your face on Dec 31.

If you like reading some science behind it all, an article written by the Huffington Post concluded that regarding gratitude research, this is what has been found…

– A daily gratitude intervention (self-guided exercises) with young adults resulted in higher reported levels of the positive states of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy compared to a focus on hassles or a downward social comparison.

– In an experimental comparison, those who kept gratitude journals on a weekly basis exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life events (Emmons and McCullough, 2003)

– Participants who kept gratitude lists were more likely to have made progress toward important personal goals (academic, interpersonal and health-based) over a two-month period compared to subjects in the other experimental conditions.

– Grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress. The disposition toward gratitude appears to enhance pleasant feeling states more than it diminishes unpleasant emotions. Grateful people do not deny or ignore the negative aspects of life.

Interesting huh? And so let’s hold onto these memories a little longer. The benefit of gratitude to the human spirit/soul is invaluable. Let’s live with thankful hearts and flex our gratitude muscle this year…

In the midst of less

January 6, 2016Becoming Minimalist, Consumerism, family, Freedom, health, Joshua Becker, Minimalism, Owning LessDebbie

Two days ago, a friend of mine was robbed. Badly. Her house completely cleared out by criminals. I wanted to vomit listening to her talk about how quickly, silently and professionally it happened. Poof. Gone.

And now she has the tedious task of trying to itemise everything that was stolen and claim from insurance. Please, I can barely remember what I have in my handbag and I stare into it everyday – how on EARTH are you supposed to remember what was in that bag in the back cupboard. Spare linen, towels, Christmas decorations, that old tennis racquet?

Yes, she recognises that it is only stuff and that her family is safe. Yes, she is feeling the overwhelming emotions of how invasive and personally uncomfortable this kind of intrusion is, and yes, she has cried about the loss of her grandmothers wedding ring and her exceptionally sentimental items which are now probably on the black market. And yes, this is NOT okay.

We are privileged to own these things. Most of the world is much poorer than we are. And so, how can one not understand that there are less fortunate people everywhere desperate to steal and sell something to provide for his/her family, or replace their contents that were destroyed in a shack fire. I’m not using this post to open the ‘white privilege’ can – just to acknowledge the other stories so often not heard. This still does NOT make it okay. (It just raises lots of questions which I’m not going to ask here or now).

And so to avoid further (and very real) fear of trying to protect every THING we own with exorbitant insurance costs, anxiously double checking locked doors, paranoid we are being watched and targeted, feeling obsessive-compulsive about a strange noise in the night or whether we pulled our phone from its car charger when we left the car, how can we distance ourselves from this often very real way of thinking and living in South Africa.

I remember in Vancouver, feeling like everything was temporary. It was a great way to live. We drove an old 1997 Honda Accord called Seymour (see-more) because all we wanted it for, was to get from A-B and that is what it did. And if I scraped the wheel rim on the pavement – well whahh – no big deal. We swapped clothes and baby paraphernalia between friends and while we like nice stuff (and bought nice stuff) we didn’t need to accumulate because we couldn’t keep it forever. We value respecting each others things (ask my kids how I shout at them when they throw books) and know full well the result of buying cheap, buying twice. So we are not necessarily regulars at the Chinese shops, nor Woolworths, and yes, we do have some very lovely things I would be very upset if they were ever stolen. But we were able to fit all of our early contents into 14 boxes that sailed from Vancouver to SA, and this made life (and certain decisions) much simpler and happier. There’s something very healthy about living with little. And my minimalist friend Joshua Becker hits the nail on the head for me OFTEN.

In no way am I saying that my friend is materialistic or a hoarder. In fact I think she is one of the few who are not. This incident has simply made me think about my own life, and my own stuff and the importance I place on them, the value I expect them to add to my life and whether that is right or not. Also, it’s making me wonder how much less worry-filled my life can be, by intentionally owning fewer things. And I’m inspired and deeply challenged by this thought.

I’ve read about those people who buy nothing but food and regular household needs for a year. No new clothes, no coffees out, no spontaneous splurging. They challenge themselves to not go out and spend (and appreciate what they have and make the best of it). While I’m not one of those, I’m intrigued by them and cannot deny that they must experience an unbelievably extraordinary year.

Besides, stuff creates dust and mess. And nobody needs more of that.

The Imperfect

December 10, 2015challenge, Community, family, health, struggle, thoughtsDebbie

Tuesday afternoon I found myself at our ophthalmologist chatting about how if my son’s eyes don’t respond to a change in his glasses prescription, how we might find ourselves back in hospital requiring further eye surgery.

Eye Operation – April 2015

I’m okay with this. While it’s not great news, he can see, we have medical aid (which should cover it this time!), and we have options.

I sat there thinking about the next step. I’ve realized I’m a solutions focussed person and so my mind is already calculating what needs to be done: go to optometrist to order new lenses, send other glasses back off to Vancouver, double check with our broker that all our medical aid bits and pieces are in order and book a follow up appointment for 4 months time to determine official outcome. Cool. I got it.

A year ago these appointments terrified me. When something is wrong with your little one, your heart sits FIRMLY on your sleeve and you feel EVERYTHING DEEPLY. Once we knew something was awry (I still remember clearly, the road we were walking down when I verbalizied what I had noticed with Clay to my friend Amy) we booked numerous appointments, including the BIG one with the ophthalmologist to rule out the very scary stuff. I don’t think I ate for a week before the meeting I was so anxious. But now, we’re stronger and this is what it is (which is minor in the greater scheme of things) and with chins up, we embrace the challenges with grace and love.

Recently, I’ve known of friends dealing with many, many things. Friends struggling with rejection, very real family challenges, struggles with identity, years of getting out of debt, miscarriage and even the death of a child.

I’ve also been chatting with new parents, in what seems like that gushy, mushy, amaaaazing, yet sleep deprived what-the-hell-am-I-doing stage of parenting. I chuckled to myself as I heard them talking, remembering so clearly how I tried to keep things ‘right’ with this clean slate (of a person) I had just been given. I did it too: the whole ‘wash all of the baby clothes in the natural scented, gold tinted baby laundry soap’, have way more of everything than I EVER needed, put the ‘no tears’ shampoo in my eyes before using it on the kids, and didn’t sleep much at all if my child was 0.3 degrees hotter than his regular basal body temperature (all the while the canned goods in my cupboards were lined up military style – labels facing forward).

But the reality is, in our imperfect broken world – things go wrong. Eyes weaken, bodies fail, bad decisions are made (even with the very best and most honourable intentions), families break, and hurt people hurt people.

be kind

As I sat in the ophthalmologist’s room picturing the possibility of a second eye operation, I was comforted by the fact that this is life, and we are all working through different things. We may not all wear the badges on our blazers or show the depth of the scars but to pretend this stuff is not happening and that we’re always alright is just ignorant, hurtful and even harmful. Being an idealist I might come across as one of those ignorant ones, but I’m not… I am hopeful.

brokenn crayons still colour

This quote is so great –

Vulnerable quote

I’m hopeful. I believe in a God who heals, who changes, who restores and even if not – I’m hopeful because he is God. And we’re a part of a bigger story, and what we’re struggling with now, does not define us or determine who we are.

And because he makes beautiful things, out of us (thanks Gungor).

One year on…

December 2, 2015cape town, Community, family, friends, memories, parenting, South Africa, VancouverDebbie

And so here we are. Today, we are 1 year back in South Africa. And we’re a bit more worn, a bit more tanned, a year older (and hopefully wiser), and reflecting on what a wildly immeasurably beautiful 4.5 year stint in Vancouver did to us, and who we are today.

I’m an idealist. I grew up in one beautiful, warm, safe and happy house (which coincidentally, my husband I are about to buy from my parents and where we hope to raise our kids). Growing up, my friends, church and school were all around the corner. Life was happy, simple, neat and tidy.

And then I met my now husband and traveled with him, moved to Durban, traveled more and then took the big leap to Vancouver. Life got a bit messier.

Neat and tidy and messy were all good. But as I’ve grown, I’ve had to tone down on the idealism and accept more of the realism. I can’t commit myself to living in one house my whole life (which is only 1 of the things I naturally expected to happen).

I think that’s one of the deepest lessons I’ve learnt. Life is messy and not straight forward. It can be hard, raw, challenging, joyful, beautiful, mysterious, and unknown, and often (always?) out of our control. Admitting that is hard for me. I like control. And so, if I have learnt ONE lesson over the last year it’s this – while life is beautiful, it is not wrapped in its beautiful perfectly square box, with crisp neat corners, its Pinterest style (as much as I LOVE Pinterest) paper with its ribbons and raffia. We might move, we might stay, we might travel, we might change. We roll with the punches. And I’ve learnt that there is a very beautiful depth to the mess. And often, we NEED the mess to keep us real.

But even more pressing is my other HUGE life mantra: experience trumps stuff. EXPERIENCE TRUMPS STUFF. No question. Hands down.

So here they are… MY OBSERVATIONS… 1 year on.

In South Africa there are so many good people doing so many good things.

It is harder to stay green.

It is easy and important to be growing your own food. I can’t wait to get chickens.

Traffic is hectic.

Coffee is better than it was 5 years ago.

The mountain is extraordinary. Life here is in full colour.

There is no place like home.

Crime is real, and it makes me concerned.

People don’t change, are loving, caring and look out for each other.

Conversations with strangers are easy.

It is been hard hard hard HARD to find a church after our experience at Regent and Artisan.

I feel really, really privileged to have had my kids in Canada.

Don’t underestimate education.

I love how car guards interact with the boys and help them out of the trolley and into the car.

Runners/cyclists greet each other and encourage each other on the roads which is awesome. It’s not safe to run alone at night, which sucks. But running with old friends (my Natalie) is life giving.

People are generous.

Our government is abominable. Parliament is hard to watch at times.

My kids play in mud, feed farm animals and get messy and barely ever ever ever wear shoes.

Internet and free wifi is scarce (and slow).

HEROES are born and raised here.

EXPERIENCES trump things hands down.

I LOVED Christmas in the snow.

Time and space between true brotherly and sisterly friends really doesn’t change all that much.

Watching your children play with their cousins is a gift.

We have amazing sports teams.

I have more of a hunger to see and do more (when my allergy towards all airports calms down – travelling for 6 weeks with two small children halfway across the world is still exhausting to think about).

Seemingly small things, can make BIG change.

Despite loving news and sport, I have no real interest in having a TV.

Community (be it local or international) is invaluable.

***

And now since my husband Theran and I are so different (really, sometimes I wonder how we actually got married…), I thought I’d include his:

Education gives you new eyes and ears for the world. You cannot quantify its value.

White people in Cape Town need to catch a wake up. White privilege is not an attack on white people, its a reality needing attention.

The mountain is different every day.

You can’t over emphasize the value of friendship – whether like minded friends around the world or lifelong friends who share your story.

Don’t let 5 years of tax returns build up while you are away.

Seeing your children with their grandparents, cousins, and aunts and uncles is worth so much more than the alluring pull of the ‘first world’.

Work can take more than it’s ‘pound of flesh’ from you – you can quickly find yourself consumed by obligations to an employer, whether valid or unrealistic demands, and end up sacrificing important things you shouldn’t.

Young children grow and change every day.

Family stress and tension causes more anxiety than work tension.

A swimming pool is a waste of space and money (really Theran?).

Dentists don’t do unnecessary work on your teeth (well ours doesn’t).

***

I’m sure there are many, many more lessons we’ve learnt which we can’t articulate quite yet… but needless to say, it’s GOOD to be back. Familiarity is a GOOD and comforting thing. Moving to Vancouver for almost 5 years was by far the best thing we have ever done (besides the obvious God, kids, marriage decisions) and I hope we’re brave enough to make more big decisions when they come our way.

Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika

A Weekend of Silence (and howling wind)

November 23, 2015Bainskloof, family, getting away, parenting, quiet, silence, thoughtfulnessDebbie

My hubby’s family have a cottage up in Bainskloof. My hub used to hitch hike up there as a teen during school holidays with his mates and stay there for weeks, braai’ing every meal. They used to sleep outside under the stars and swim in the mountain river all day. Bliss.

It’s rustic. ‘One step up from camping’ as we describe it. The kitchen is a rondavel shape and smells like gas. The rooms have well worn couches, bookshelves packed with old books (and dust), paint peeling off the walls and everything is a different shade of white. The cottage itself is like an old well-loved family member, holding many beautiful memories and a quiet space when you desperately need an escape. And it sleeps about 8 people.

So here we are. Just us 4. Catching a break from real life.

HERE’S MY DIARY

Friday: General anticipated morning chaos, and school drop off. I do my regular rush-in-and-out-of-work followed by the midday pick up routine. Then home to pack EVERY-THING. Food (3 huge bags), kids clothes, our clothes, bedding, toys, books, bikes and balls. Nappies, wipes, wine, chocolate, towels, toilet paper and black bags. After packing the car Tetris-style I threw the kids amongst it all, gave them packets of promised popcorn and off we went to pick up Daddy. Yes. So far it’s all me. SUPERMOM.

We picked dad up from work, detoured past Nandos for dinner in Bellville, and onward we drove to Bainskloof, arriving at sunset. Hubby unpacked everything (his turn to play SUPER-PARENT) while the kids ran around shouting ‘Bainskloooof, Bainskloooof’. Out came the Milo, marshmallows and Oreos. I know. Hubby was going a little sugar crazy – even for me.

8pm, and I’m ready for bed. Daddy is on story time and teeth brushing and all I can hear is the wind whistling. And the fridge humming. And crickets. I texted the family to see if anyone wanted to join us for a braai the following day. Because we love people, and things seemed awfully quiet.

Holiday had begun. And at 8:16pm with scattered wifi, no tv, series or movies, no washing to be folded, no dishes to be done, and no admin to be resolved I’m feeling a liiiitle uneasy. So I made myself useful and went inside to see how the kids were doing (not having confined bed spaces) aaaaand they were far too awake for my liking. I nursed our youngest to sleep, and convinced our toddler he didn’t need to bring his keyboard to bed. I think I’m a person who likes jobs. But then I get grumpy when I’m forced to do them.

With 4 of us in a double bed I slept TERRIBLY. Hubby slept TERRIBLY. We all woke up grumpy (I think because we had been anticipating a long, quiet, out-of-the-city sleep). That didn’t happen.

Saturday: After a silent battle of Who-Would-Get-Up-First, hubby caved. I think it was because I’d done 90% of Bainskloof holiday planning and prep thus far. Good on him. Pancakes and coffee for breakfast.

Wind still loud. Like white noise, the background theme track to our little holiday.

We took a family walk to the river. An exercise in slowing down, simply from being outside but also from allowing the kids to set the pace (and direction). My darn iPhone has such a good camera it’s hard to leave it behind so the technology came with to capture the memories (aaargggg, will I ever get to a point where the memories are captured in my mind and not on my phone?). Last time we were here our youngest was still crawling. Time flies (when you’re too busy).

Stumbling along the path and throwing rocks into the river were the highlights of the walk. Simple joys, and adventure. No plastic toys or flashing lights or carnival type music.

Braai for lunch, some bike riding, some ball kicking, and more wind.

We tag-teamed naps (as you do with two small kids). Around 5pm, both kids weirdly descended into sleep – unprompted. The wind, was now HOWLING. We had warned any family thinking of joining us that the conditions weren’t ideal and that they might be better off staying home. And here’s where it got interesting. We were bored. Partly due to the lack of game packing (not on my checklist, argh) and partly due the fact that my hubby doesn’t love games, but mainly due to the howling gale force winds surrounding us and them spoiling our fun of sunset viewing and sitting around the fire with a glass of red. We sheltered ourselves in the kitchen sort of amazed at our lack of enthusiasm for, well, anything.

It struck me. How do we find a balance between the manic hustle and bustle of life (physically, but more mentally) and then sitting still? And finding joy, fulfillment and satisfaction in the quiet open spaces?

Clearly hubby and I were at a bit of a loss to the answer. The two extremes were jarring.

So, we read books and magazines (a rarity), listened to the wind and cooked food and drank wine. It morphed into chatting, and more chatting and a competition began as to who could make the best microwaved s’more (since there was no fire). Maybe that, in and of itself was helping us find the answer.

Sunday: Hubby was over the wind so we got up, made egg, bacon & cheese quesadillas, packed up, cleaned up and hit the road.

I found the packing and cleaning quite therapeutic. Maybe because it was unpressurized and not urgent, it felt almost respectful of the space. Maybe because I didn’t resent doing it, like I do with so much ‘picking up’ that comes with having kids. Maybe it was because we’d finally kicked into holiday mode good and proper – mere minutes from departure.

As we drove down the mountain, immediately the wind calmed. Typical. It was peaceful and warm and quiet. That morning we’d felt a little anxious to get moving because of the unpleasant wind, but once it had calmed, we were almost magnetically opposed to arriving home. We love home, but home meant lunch boxes needing to be filled and washing needing to be hung up and meals needing to be cooked and kids needing to moan about something. It meant sorting and tidying and cleaning and wishing we were not doing any of the above.

So we took a slow drive home and stopped at The Hollow Tree in Durbanville for a snacky lunch (chili poppers) and for the kids to play. And then we went home.

And just like that, we clicked back into normal life. That strange pace of life we encourage and feel important in, and discourage and feel overwhelmed in, at the same time. And then I saw this: a picture I’d taken of tiny slippers for tiny feet I adore with everything in me and knew we needed this more. We needed to spend hours packing the car, we needed to embrace the chaos of the trip, the grocery shopping, the overwhelming to-do lists, and maybe even that howling wind – to slow this (speed-of-light pace of the growth of our kids) down. To slow us all down.

Because next time we get away… I bet those little slippers wont be fitting anyone’s feet anymore.