Tag Archives: thoughts

It’s not about us…

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I love my kids. I love, love, LOOOOVE them. I want to squish them until they pop and hold them tight so they don’t grow up. I want to hear them laugh, be child-like, climb trees, run through sprinklers, mess chocolate all over their faces, learn, discover, explore, adventure and I want to plan their next birthday party (yes, even though I just said I didn’t want them to grow up – you know what I mean), just like the majority of moms out there. Recently I was made aware of this GREAT campaign #carseatfullstop – raising awareness of the importance and car seat safety, and so I’m adding my voice to the many other bloggers and moms out there who care deeply…

Maybe you’re like me, and from the time you first had littlies, it’s been a pretty automatic move to strap your kids in. It becomes second nature like putting on their nappies or tying their shoelaces. And yes, absolutely, it totally infuriates me when I see kids who have not been safely buckled in. First I get all ragey and flap my arms and hoot my horn and then clam down, breathe and pray those little lives make it to their destination safely.

carseatfullstop

And then yesterday, I read this post about a young boy in the States who, only 2 weeks ago, wriggled out of his car seat and was in an accident, and didn’t make it. It is one of those posts which you want to stop reading, because it is nothing less than utterly heartbreaking and completely soul destroying, but your eyes won’t let you. And while, with the launch of this campaign, there is SO much amazing awareness, access to statistics, encouragement and valid rebuke around this topic, here is what I have been thinking about recently:

It is not about you (me).

It is not about you not making the mistake on the road. While we like to think we’re in control of most things, we really aren’t. We can’t control the natural disaster, sleepy or drunk driver, or the innocent yet flawed human causing a total accident. We may not be in the wrong, but that doesn’t mean we can stop it from happening.

It is not about convenience. It’s about safety never taking a holiday. It is about taking those few minutes to secure the harness. It’s not about ‘just down the street’ or ‘just around the corner’. It is also not like you have to run around the car 12 times and do 30 push ups before you are allowed to thread their arms through the straps and buckle them in.

And lastly, it is not just not about you, but it IS about them. Little lives that often aren’t heard (except maybe for the screaming of infants). Innocent lives, entirely dependant on forward thinking parents. Wow, the God-given role of watching and caring for these little lives is huge.


Maybe you’ve never even imaged the devastation that can occur from car seat neglect. If you give it a moments thought, I’m sure like many of us, the horror is paralysing. Awareness, awareness, awareness. Let’s raise awareness. I pray that everyone reading this will never experience the kind of unimaginable pain car seat neglect can bring.

Thanks to Mandy and her Team, there is page after page of inspiring reading around this topic. Browse it here and help save a life. And heartache, regret and brokenness.

Let’s be better, and do better.

xxx

Follow the Campaign on the Web, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

A quick thought on Generosity and Privilege

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I don’t mean to be another voice calling names and issuing titles and opening up a very real and raw race wound, but here’s a thought for this Friday.

The other afternoon I went running (my usual 5 km route). I usually run with a girlfriend but she was away and I needed to get my Vitality points in, so off I went. Not jabbering my mouth off like I usually do, I had time to think, reflect and pray.

One thing I love about South Africa is that most people seem really friendly on the roads. I try and greet everyone I run past and acknowledge what is going on around me. And as I was nearing home, I ran past this 35+ yr old black gentleman. He smiled at me and I smiled back and squeezed out a breathless ‘hi’ – we had a quick and friendly exchange.

As I ran past this fellow countryman (I presume he was South African) I had a moment of crisp and clear comparison, which has really made me think. I ran past him with my preggy belly, carrying a-born-into-privilege little lady (who will probably be blond if she follows her brothers’ hair colour in any way – somehow being blond made the picture in my head all that clearer). Just there and then my brain did a quick calculation. Not taking into account the house, the car and and and I was running towards, on my person was:

    • R1000+ running shoes (they’re serious shoes my hub bought for my first marathon which was put on hold after the two pink lines came up on the pregnancy test),
    • R250 New Balance crops,
    • (I can’t remember which top but probably one from a race I did in Vancouver which would have cost about $100 to enter – yup, races there are crazy money),
    • My R2000 Garmin running watch with GPS and heart rate monitor,
    • My Apple Watch which I have not yet paid for (and am still exercising ‘it off’ on the Vitality deal – but is worth around R6000)…

I was wearing on my person, (all new let’s not forget) more than R10 000 worth of stuff. On a single run. And as this young gentleman walked past me, he smiled at me, his fellow South African sister, who has had a completely different life to him. I’d probably give a growl and a hairy eye ball to the injustice of it all if I was him, but he smiled. Legend.

generosity

I’m not here to point fingers, say we need to give all our stuff away, move to a township or make anyone feel guilty or proud, good or bad. I’m just writing to share my small experience. That moment of clarity was real. It is also unfair to underestimate who this gentleman is. I don’t know him, so who am I to judge him? While I presumed he was walking to catch a lift on a taxi home (to a place I’ve never been), I can’t presume he is less or more than what I saw in my 2 second smile at him. But all this to say…

We have a LOT. WAY more than we need. I wasn’t at the UCT or Freedom Day marches. I am not waving a flag on the side of the street or shouting my opinions from the rooftop. I’m trying to come to grips with what it means to live in South Africa, identify as a South African, and be aware of what my fellow South African experiences day to day. And I’m far from it, but I’m on the road…

There is no difference between my domestic worker and I. Nancy and I are the same, we’ve just been given different lots in life (or however you chose to see/say it). She is not my slave. She is my sister. She works hard, arrives on time, is taking what she has and trying to do her best with it. Are we not all doing that? There are a million ways we can make this practical and better the lives of those in need and so many people I know are doing that, and it is BEAUTIFUL. So let’s do it more. More and more and more until the divide becomes blurry (yes, I know, its idealistic) but why not do it anyway.

Generosity is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I see today. Just this morning, my colleague bought me a gorgeous set of new wine glasses because I had told her how, when unpacking our wine glasses (from boxes we packed up 6 years ago), we only found we had 2. Generosity and kindness – it can knock you off your feet a little if you step down from your privileged and entitled podium.

Lets just be kind, and aware, and generous.

(Preach over (wink emotion).)

The Benefits of Grounding (no, I don’t mean your kids)

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We’ve just come back from Wilderness. Let’s not get into it, sob sob, it was so absolutely amazing, I’m still sad it’s over. We joined old friends from a pre-Vancouver season and it was as if nothing had ever changed (barring the 4 kids we had produced between us in the time gone by)…

In the back of my mind, I was secretly stoked with all the grounding that was going on. No, not the ‘naughty child type’, but the the ‘touching the ground for the sake of your health’ type. Otherwise known as earthing.

kids sitting on beach

I first learnt about grounding from my guru Wellness Mama. She explains it like this:

‘The theory is that our bodies are meant to come into contact with the Earth (a “grounding” force) on a regular basis. Positive electrons in the form of free radicals (ever heard of those guys?) can build up in our bodies and direct contact with the ground balances this out as it is a negative grounding charge.

Our bodies and cells have electrical energy, and especially with the high prevalence of electromagnetic waves, Wi-Fi and mobile phone waves, many of us have a high amount of positive electrons built up in our bodies’.

And the truth is, we’ve never needed grounding as much as we do right now. I used to be all proud of my attempts at getting my kids ‘grounded’ by sending them to school barefoot, and watching them run on the grass, but that had a lot to do with not finding shoes in time for school and the school being pretty blasé about it. Win-win.

wilderness view from top of stairs

According to emerging research, grounding/earthing can be beneficial in:

  • Reducing inflammation by defusing excess positive electrons
  • Reducing chronic pain
  • Improving sleep
  • Increasing energy
  • Lowering stress and promoting calmness by reducing stress hormones.
  • Normalizing biological rhythms including circadian rhythm
  • Improving blood pressure and blood flow
  • Relieving muscle tension and headache
  • Lessens menstrual and female hormone symptoms
  • Speeds healing – used in some places to prevent bed sores
  • Can eliminate jet lag
  • Protecting the body from EMFs
  • Shortens recovery time from injury or athletic activity
  • Reducing or eliminating snoring
  • Helping support adrenal health

You see, it used to happen naturally:

‘Throughout history, humans have spent time outdoors much more than we do in modern time and have been in direct contact with the soil. From walking on the ground barefoot, to gardening or tilling the soil, humans have always touched the earth… until recently.

Now, we live in houses, wear rubber shoes, are exposed to EMFs daily and don’t often come into direct contact with the ground.

Have you ever noticed that you sleep better on a beach vacation after walking in the sand or being in the ocean? The sand and ocean water and both naturally conductive materials and both help ground the body and remove excess positive electrons. For the same basic reason that we ground electrical outlets to avoid the build up of excess positive charge, our bodies need the same ground effect‘.

the effect of grounding

(These two slept like a dream on holiday…)

Think about it…

And so here’s how you go about being intentional about grounding.

‘To work, you must be barefoot and in contact with rock, dirt or water. The beach/ocean is possibly the best place as not only are sand and salt water extremely conductive, but salt water is also very high in magnesium. Perhaps this is why many people seem to sleep better on vacation at the beach!’

There are fancy pants things such as grounding/earthing mats (some that you can sleep on), but I’m yet to see these available here in South Africa. And with the prevalence of beautiful beaches to stroll, mountains to climb, trails to walk, fresh grass to run on – nature all around us – we have no excuse to not be more proactive about getting our feet.on.the.earth.

kids standing on beach

Have you tried grounding and ever noticed the benefits?

I’m BAAAAAACK! And there is more of me…

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I’ve been quiet. Sorry about that. While I previously would have been blogging and trying new recipes, and learning life lessons, going on more adventures with the kids, making new DIY thingy-majigs, finding new ipad apps (our old ones are not longer cuttting it), and sourcing new eco products… I’ve been napping, and going for scans, having serious food aversions, napping some more, overdosing on kauai smoothies, doing more napping, and peeing. A lot.

Yep, I’m pregnant, with number 3. While it was still under cover, I read this blog post by blogger Cindy Alfino (from 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 old house). It made me laugh HARD, especially the bit about closing your eyes when paying school fees. Truth. Thanks for the laugh Cindy.

debbie shocked pregnant

Back to it! Sooo… we’re pregnant. Again. Fortunately, besides the exhaustion of managing two small boystrous boys (covered in noise and dirt, constantly) it’s been fairly okay. I’ve experienced food aversion in a big way – and afternoon exhaustion at its peak – but into the 2nd tri I’ve got my Superwoman cape on and I’m even taking both boys to the aquarium (DURING the school holidays mind you, pushing a HEAVY double stroller with NO air in its tyres surrounded by thousands of holidayers). You should see my speed and agility when the kids run in opposite directions. It’s award winning. I bought myself a mcflurry after to reward myself for my efforts. I deserved it.

Pregnant Debbie

Having had both my kids in Vancouver, this Cape Town birth idea was a bit new to me, but at the same time, I’ve never been as intentionally green (especially with my kids) as I am now. This is exciting. I find myself being VERY aware of what I put on my skin, and what I eat, which in all honesty, on the eating part… I haven’t been all that great (besides my weekly 2 x Kauai smoothies thanks to Vitality Fitness Rewards) – but when it comes to skincare – I’ve been military style. Sounds a bit hypocritical, and maybe it is, but give a pregnant woman a break will ya?

When it comes to my prenatal supply, I’m all over it, happily sourcing some of the best products available in SA. A friend recently asked me what I’m using prenatally, and here it is… (inspired by Wellness Mama, and a 3hr stint in emergency at 11 weeks with crazy abdominal pain).

Solgar products contain no preservatives, no artificial flavouring (I’d prefer if my prenatals didn’t look like giant pink smarties), as well as being gluten free, dairy free, yeast free, wheat free, sugar free.

I’m no doctor, but I do like the Solgar and The Real Thing ranges – and felt safe taking them. Probiotics are recommended during pregnancy for overall gut health and to avoid GBS if possible (although I was GBS+ during both boys’ pregnancies), and you can’t forget your omegas.

And so that’s where we’re at. More gushy, hormone-driven, pregnant, baby info is sure to come flying your way, but I’ll leave you with this precious moment yesterday with my midwife at Birth Options – the boys listening to the sound of their baby sisters heart beat. YES, it’s a GIRL (…we think – as much as the 13 week scan can tell you)… I’ll be sure to confirm after 21 weeks.

We are BLESSED! xxx

clay and ryler at midwives

A good time or a good story

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This post is nothing other than a rambling that I started this morning while dropping my toddler off at school (and I’m posting it here for the sake of it being stored in some archive which the kids and I can read at a later stage). Can I even call our toddler a toddler? I feel like with the smart-ness of his specs and his un-be-liev-a-ble memory, I can’t actually call him that anymore.

A great life motto we picked up from a dear friend in Vancouver when something doesn’t go QUITE like we planned is this: It’s either a good time or a good story. Store that gem in your brain files.

So while dropping off my post-toddler toddler at play school this morning, our past weekend experience popped up in conversation. You know the one about the flea infestation, the buying of 4 doom foggers, the family camp out in the kitchen and the vomiting? No? Oh well – brace yourselves.

OUR GOOD STORY:

Our family was DESPERATE (read: des-per-ate for more effect) for a weekend away. There is WAY too much going on in our lives and the Bainskloof family cottage was our light at the end of the tunnel. Change of jobs (involving some shenanigans by the ex-company which we are VERY glad is an EX), on-going building renovations, constant drilling and noise, and and and… called for some very much needed time.out. The week leading up to Bainskloof started with vomiting from the youngest, then conveniently passed to eldest (post-toddler toddler) which then settled, and juuuust when we thought we’d dealt with it, nope, it came right back. Great. Then hubby started, and let’s just say the next few days were a blur of all things we dont like to admit we have. Let’s just call it gastro-esque.

I’d been in emergency at hospital that week myself at 5:45am one morning (long story, it’s all good) and so listen, with the family barely holding on by a thread, as Thursday night/Friday morning approached, we had our eyes on the prize – a weekend at Bains. Just us, no noise, only sunsets, braais, hammock sleeping, the river… bliss. Did I say no noise?

So, even with hubby and I both functioning around 50% of normal capacity, we did it. We packed the car to.the.brim. Food, clothes, nappies, camp cot, bedding, pillows, linen, swimming cossies, bikes, toys, books, balls, running stuff, mozzie repellent, fan to keep mozzies away (I HATE mozzies), sunscreen, medical aid kit, not enough warm clothes, our kitchen sink – you name it, we’d packed it. We loaded the family in the car, handed them some milk tart to stuff in their faces and off we set for the 1hr15min drive which only took us 2hr30min on a Friday leaving at 2pm. Yup. We should’ve known things were going south. But let’s stay positive.

We ARRIVE. Hallelujah. Let’s all get out the car and kiss the dusty, dry Bainskloof ground.

Here’s where I’ll speed up the weekend for the sake of you all reading the longest post ever.

Drop bags/beds/linen in cottage. Find flea on smallest child. Think nothing of it (other than I hadn’t seen one since we had a dog). Find flea on post-toddler toddler, think “that’s strange”. Find flea/s on myself. OH SH*T, the cottage is infested with FLEAS. Hubby and I look at each other in despair. Hubby frantically removes bags/beds/linen from cottage. No energy in reserve tank for this. Big undies need indeed be worn (if they’re not flea infested already). *Sigh.

What do we do? With one Doom fogger on hand we fog the place and decide to leave that night after sunset. We thought we’d hit the river, have a braai, leave after dark with sleeping kids in the car. Then we decide we don’t actually WANT to go home (besides the fact that we’ve mustered all our energy to just GET THERE). Decide to check out some chalets across the road for the night. Decide to not pay R400 to sleep for 6 hours. Neighbour offers flea-free mattresses. We gratefully accept. We camp out on the floor of the kitchen (a separate flea-free dwelling) – a family sleepover. The things kids’ dreams are made of. Kids are LOVING it. There are only about 5 things to do at Bains: braai (and eat), go throw stones and swim in the river, melt marshies, watch the sunset and sleep. We’ve done them all. Kids think we’re winning.

After another session of Doom fogging (apparently one wasn’t enough for the buggers – the greenie in me screaming inwardly at the thought) and proper ventilating, we managed to move back in the following night and enjoy the rest of our weekend, along with some projectile vomiting from both kids (ahhh good, seems we brought the bug with us) and more than our fair share of necessary nappy changes on the youngest. Gross. Both kids poopy and vomity and refusing to eat their boerewors rolls, but desperate as desperate gets for s’mores. Do your kids also not swallow over-chewed meat? Mine neither. Do you also try enforce the no dessert without dinner rule? Us too. Makes for a good time. S’mores consumed, then vomited, then time for bed. No bathing, no teeth brushing (and certainly no flossing), barely a change of clothes was had – how we roll in survival mode.

Sunday morning brought with it more joy and happiness (and less projectile anything). Lots of cuddling in the hammock, story reading and counting gum tree pip/seed things. Post-toddler toddler content as. Pancakes, milo (bad idea in retrospect) and left over marshmallows filled the morning with delight. My phone had died the Friday night (and we’d brought the wrong charger) so the entire weekend was phone free (and this post clearly photo free). Something I struggle to force myself to do, but when it’s forced upon me, it’s FAN-TASTIC.

So just when you think your day is going bad… ask yourself? Did you have a flea infestation and two vomming children with you?

TAKE AWAYS

On the bright side, let’s think about what we learnt:

– all jobs are better with a friend (such as cleaning vom or shoving the post-toddler toddler to your spouses side of the bed).
– s’mores solve a lot of things
– Bainskloof has the most incredible sunsets
– watching our kids throw stones into the river and splash about makes it so worth it
– the smell of a wood braai out in nature releases happy hormones I’m sure
– the thought of how content our kids are in silence and with no toys
– getting away from noise really does clear your head
– the EXPERIENCE is (almost) ALWAYS worth the effort.

Your turn! Tell me your good story…

Meet Janet

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Half way through last year I joined the VOB Running Club in Constantia. Because I only ever used to run when I had entered a race, I knew my personal discipline needed some accountability and, determined to get fit and stay fit, this was it.

On only my second evening with the club, I met this lovely friendly face (when discussing where to put our keys before the run – you know, a newbie), and her name was Janet. Turned out, she was also brand new and it was her second evening with the club as well. Being the ‘chatter’ that I am while running, we fast became good running friends.

As luck would have it, a few of us had all joined the club at a similar time and really enjoyed running together. As you do with new friends, the discussion went from family, to work, to life, and which race we were all working towards. Janet was an artist. How cool?

WAIT a minute. This beautiful humble soul was not just an artist – she was a really accomplished ceramicist, an artisan, with her own company, Janet Ceramics, located right around the corner from us in Constantia. She was not only selling her ceramics locally, but also overseas and on Yuppiechef. I get really impressed with this kind of stuff.

The more I learn about her, the more amazed I am. I love that these local gems are all around us, and are producing beautiful one-of-a-kind art for us to enjoy. Step aside @home and Le Creuset, this stuff is what we are looking for. There is a deep appreciation for not just working with your hands (and hearts) but for artisans who take simple and often underrated raw materials and raise them up and make something beautiful with them. There is a story, there is meaning and there is deep beauty in that.

LET’S MEET 

Janet Ceramics Janet

Janet Ceramics Janet Lightbody

Her Story

Janet has learned to live a life, listening to her heart and convictions.

As a child she always enjoyed art and ceramics. Her earliest memories of joy was paint being mixed and slopped into a bottle and on the brush in pre-school. She continued with art into high school and registered Janet Ceramics in 2013, after quitting a corporate job in property lending the year before. After a month long sabbatical (which included a 10 day mountain bike trek in the Himalayas), she was changed, and inspired by living an extra-ordinary life – the first step was telling herself the truth that her childhood dream was to be an artist, and that it was time to follow that dream.

Her purpose is to live a life she loves and in doing so inspire others to do the same. Check out the Life a Life you Love Collection here.

Janet Ceramics Art

The theme of Ubuntu runs deep within her and her artwork (which we love, since we named our second son along the same lines).

Ubuntu (/uːˈbʊntuː/oo-buun-too; Zulu/Xhosa pronunciation: [ùɓúntʼú]) is a NguniBantu term roughly translating to “human kindness.” It is an idea from the Southern African region which means literally “human-ness,” and is often translated as “humanity towards others,” but is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean “the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity”.[2]

And now… two of Janet’s beautiful artisan pieces are available in Woolworths (Cape Town – Cavendish Square, Willowbridge, Durban – Gateway, Johannesburg – Eastgate, Sandton, Benmore Gardens, Design Quarter).

You see? Are you not fully impressed too? Check them (and their stories) out here…


Have a happy heart – the Heart Shaped Dish

Janet Ceramics Heart Shaped Dish

‘Have you ever noticed how if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, weigh in a few kg’s more than usual, or how running late for your first meeting, can so easily dictate the way in which the rest of the day pans out.

I know myself that I have fallen prey to the spiraling drama of mishaps and things just not going your way. As much as it is your choice to continue in this regard, it’s also your choice to stop and create something different.

If it’s love you want, give it and create it; if it’s respect you want, give it and create it.

The Heart Shaped Dish is designed as a daily reminder that it’s your choice to create whatever you wish for yourself and your experience of life.’

The Mouse Cheese Platter

Janet Ceramics Cheese Platter

Janet Ceramics Cheese Board

Start with what you hope for

‘Have you ever found yourself stuck in a corner, unfulfilled, and spending more time running an elaborate commentary on the status quo than on a plan to work towards what you want? I remember paging through the words of Dr Spencer Johnsons, award winning book, Who Moved My Cheese, and bursting into fits of laughter as I identified with the mouse named Haw. At this point in my life I had never really taken time to think about what I wanted and it was easier to talk about the current circumstance than to risk setting new goal posts that I could possibly miss.

The key here is to recognize that your cheese, a metaphor for what you want to have in life, is a transient thing. As life unravels, and we experience new encounters, what we want may change or shift in priority. For me, laughing every day has moved to number one, whereas meaningful work and financial abundance is now a product of a light, energised and joyful existence.

The Cheese Plate in my ceramic range is designed as a daily reminder to ask yourself what it is that you want. Previously you may have enjoyed Camembert and fig preserve, but that may no longer give you satisfaction. Remember, there is a whole larder of cheeses to choose from and the variety of combinations is limited by your imagination.’

Janet Ceramics Magazine Print

Keen to follow her journey? She has numerous other gorgeous items on her website – please check them out. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, or find your nearest Janet Ceramics stockist here.

Well done my friend.

xxx

Picture credits: www.janetlightbody.com and www.yuppiechef.com

My three things

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A friend recently challenged me on a New Years resolution kinda question (or should I say series of questions):

Her challenges were: 

1) What do you want to grow in?

2) What do you want more of?

3) What do you want to let go of?

And, for the sake of transparency, and to encourage you all in your own thinking… Here are my answers.

What do I want to grow in? I want to grow in the knowledge and understanding what it means to have faith and trust in God. For me personally, I need to take myself out of the drivers seat and attempt to grasp the hugeness of who God is and what it means to just trust. Trust.

What comes with that is an understanding that I am not on my own, and that at any time, I can ask for help and wisdom.

Also… Minimalism.

What do I want to let go of? I want to do my best to let go of the need to control. To control my family, my future, my picture perfect image of my life should look like (or at least what I imagine it to be). I think this need to control is more exhausting than I realize and while I love order and neat and tidy, I need to relax and just be.

I also need to let go of my obsession with my phone. I really do. This obsession with checking apps mindlessly must GO.

What do I want more of? I want more of a life rhythm. I am a typical number 7 on the enneagram. Outgoing, Adventurer, GO GO GO, experience, experience, experience. But with two little people at home, a new year with a new house, building renovations and and and, this spontaneous wild at heart never-say-no girl, must learn to sloooooow doooown. I need more of a groove, of a rhythm.

Everyday when I pick up my 3.5yr old from play school he asks me where we’re going. To which I reply ‘home’. And he’s always disappointed. As it turns out, the constant trips (post school) to the grocery store, aquarium, ice cream place, smoothie shop etc. has encouraged a little person with rather high expectations for an adventure every day.

“Sorry buddy, it’s home for peanut butter sarmies. Let’s go.”


We’re well and truly into 2016. What are your new life goals, personal challenges or dare I say ‘resolutions’?

Picture Credit: shawellnessclinic.com

The Imperfect

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Tuesday afternoon I found myself at our ophthalmologist chatting about how if my son’s eyes don’t respond to a change in his glasses prescription, how we might find ourselves back in hospital requiring further eye surgery.

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Eye Operation – April 2015

I’m okay with this. While it’s not great news, he can see, we have medical aid (which should cover it this time!), and we have options.

I sat there thinking about the next step. I’ve realized I’m a solutions focussed person and so my mind is already calculating what needs to be done: go to optometrist to order new lenses, send other glasses back off to Vancouver, double check with our broker that all our medical aid bits and pieces are in order and book a follow up appointment for 4 months time to determine official outcome. Cool. I got it.

A year ago these appointments terrified me. When something is wrong with your little one, your heart sits FIRMLY on your sleeve and you feel EVERYTHING DEEPLY. Once we knew something was awry (I still remember clearly, the road we were walking down when I verbalizied what I had noticed with Clay to my friend Amy) we booked numerous appointments, including the BIG one with the ophthalmologist to rule out the very scary stuff. I don’t think I ate for a week before the meeting I was so anxious. But now, we’re stronger and this is what it is (which is minor in the greater scheme of things) and with chins up, we embrace the challenges with grace and love.

Recently, I’ve known of friends dealing with many, many things. Friends struggling with rejection, very real family challenges, struggles with identity, years of getting out of debt, miscarriage and even the death of a child.

I’ve also been chatting with new parents, in what seems like that gushy, mushy, amaaaazing, yet sleep deprived what-the-hell-am-I-doing stage of parenting. I chuckled to myself as I heard them talking, remembering so clearly how I tried to keep things ‘right’ with this clean slate (of a person) I had just been given. I did it too: the whole ‘wash all of the baby clothes in the natural scented, gold tinted baby laundry soap’, have way more of everything than I EVER needed, put the ‘no tears’ shampoo in my eyes before using it on the kids, and didn’t sleep much at all if my child was 0.3 degrees hotter than his regular basal body temperature (all the while the canned goods in my cupboards were lined up military style – labels facing forward).

But the reality is, in our imperfect broken world – things go wrong. Eyes weaken, bodies fail, bad decisions are made (even with the very best and most honourable intentions), families break, and hurt people hurt people.

be kind

As I sat in the ophthalmologist’s room picturing the possibility of a second eye operation, I was comforted by the fact that this is life, and we are all working through different things. We may not all wear the badges on our blazers or show the depth of the scars but to pretend this stuff is not happening and that we’re always alright is just ignorant, hurtful and even harmful. Being an idealist I might come across as one of those ignorant ones, but I’m not… I am hopeful.

brokenn crayons still colour

This quote is so great –

Vulnerable quote

I’m hopeful. I believe in a God who heals, who changes, who restores and even if not – I’m hopeful because he is God. And we’re a part of a bigger story, and what we’re struggling with now, does not define us or determine who we are.

And because he makes beautiful things, out of us (thanks Gungor).

I can’t because…

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One Saturday morning I was getting things ‘done’ with my 3yr old pottering about while my husband and youngest slept. I was doing the random stuff, the sorting and tidying kind, and while feeling somewhat distracted by my child’s needs, I found a colouring in book that I overemphasized the awesomeness of to try and distract him so that I could continue doing my thing. 

I managed to start colouring in a frog ‘on his behalf’ (as you do), ready for him to take over. “You continue coloring this buddy”, I encouraged. “No mommy, you colour it”. “Ahh, sorry buddy, I have – ” and I stopped myself. Because I was about to say “I have things to do.”

I struggle with this all.the.time. I’m such a do-er. And the podcast I was listening to the other day by our friends at Artisan reminded me how we naturally tend to do what we love doing. I like being busy. I like feeling productive. And while I LOVE (adore) my kids, an hour on the floor colouring is HARD for me. Who am I kidding… 10min on the floor colouring is hard work for me. The reading of the 8th story at bedtime is exhausting, and honestly I rush through it. All the while knowing my days of being invited to cuddle are numbered.

All this calls for sacrifice. Arghhhh. The dying to self kind. Something we’re not drawn to naturally.

(This is so evident in parenthood, but I think it spills over into anything. Working too much overtime for a bosses approval, earning more money to feel more powerful or validated, the accumulation of ‘things’ to feel successful).

I’m all about balance, but if I’m honest, I’m an awfully selfish person by nature. I hide chocolates I’ve bought from my husband so I don’t have to share, sneak in a secret brekkie with my friend Nats after our suuuuuuper long (emphasis added) early morning runs and even being an (extreme) extrovert by nature, I want my own quiet time. I want to go for drinks with my girls, and watch TV series in bed uninterrupted with my husband. I want to make good food with friends and go for a jog when I wish. I want to grab a coffee and blog. I want to create natural products while listening to the latest Sons & Daughters album. I want to make my garden pretty, plant new herbs and spring clean (often). I want to be productive. Soooo, building a block tower with my 1.5yr old for the gazillionth time (especially when he’s not really paying attention) feels hard.

I’m doing my best to say ‘yes’ more often. Within reason. I know full well that healthy mom/dad = healthy family and so I’m trying to give of myself, knowing I need to recharge and try to figure out exactly what that looks like for me.

With all that said, here are my top tips on how to bring about balance and diminish the guilt:

1. Create Rhythms: In our home, Friday nights are homemade pizza nights and Saturday mornings are pancake breakfasts mornings. (Saturday mornings were Park Run mornings but somehow we morphed it into pancakes instead – go figure.) We’re also trying to get the kids amped on washing our cars on Sundays. Hmmm… not as easy. I’m sure once they realize it’s something normal people pay for, an exchange of money will be involved.

2. Encourage Traditions: Be it on birthdays, anniversaries or the beginning of school holidays, have ‘your thing’ that is a constant. Maybe the first day of school holidays you pull out the annual pass to the Aquarium, hit the beach, or make a big ice cream, waffle and milkshake brekkie. Since our kids are Canadian, we make an effort to celebrate Canada Day and Canadian Thanksgiving (with some good old salmon, poutine and maple syrup ‘eh?).

3. Prioritize Values: Eat together at the dining room table, or go for a short walk around the neighbourhood just before dinner. What are you doing already that you can use to incorporate your family and have it be meaningful (such as time together eating or exercising)?

4. Play: Play ‘rough and tumble’ on the bed (thanks husband), or hide and seek in the house. Lie on the lounge floor and let your kids roll over you (for when you’re feeling particularly uninspired orrrrrr pregnant with your second and have as much energy as a kid post sugar-crash). Play sport, or dress up, or in the garden outside. Play with water, chalk, paint, on a trampoline or on a home-drawn hopscotch pattern on the ground. Play by baking – and reward yourself with edible treats (obviously).

5. Try put your phone down (and then give yourself time to use it!): Argh, I’m SO bad at this, but I recently read this article and it opened my eyes right up! WOWZER. Make certain rooms in your house or times of the day ‘NO PHONE’ rooms/times.

‘Starting your day by checking the phone is like flipping a switch from peace to productivity … from loving nurturer to grumpy manager … from present to absent. Reaching for the phone takes you out of your cozy pajamas-clad world and catapults you into the fast-paced, information overloaded world. Once your mind leaves your loved ones and fixates on all the things you need to do, it’s hard to come back—so hard to come back’. (Hands Free Mama)

6. Get the kids to bed early and then RE-LAX: You’ve kicked ass, or maybe not, but it’s done and dusted. Feet up, glass of wine, slab of chocolate, long chat with your bestie, put on a movie, eat comfort food, think, sing, write, read.

7. Get Away: Most people know someone who has a little cabin in the mountains or a timeshare needing to be used up, some extra flyer miles or a camp site begging for a bonfire. Do what you can find these avenues and take time away. It absolutely doesn’t need to cost you the earth. It shouldn’t. And if you can’t think of anywhere to go and can’t muster up the energy for the mile long list of to-do’s before departure, then borrow a tent and camp out in your back garden (or lounge if you don’t have a garden).

Of the 7 suggestions, grab one or two things that stick out and that you know you can try implement without it completely killing your mojo and go for it. And, can I just say, life is hard. Life was not meant to be done alone. There is DEPTH and TRUTH to ‘being a Village’ and Ubuntu theology. We’re in this together. And you’re doing alright.

xxx

Asking Why

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Today I was driving in the car with my kids. Exhaust fumes were BULLOWING out of the car in front of us, in a hazard like manner. My oldest likes to have control of his window, which he did at the time (and he likes it down) but for the sake of our lungs, I took over and closed the windows tight.

In an attempt to explain the situation to my fairly upset 3yr old, he started on the ‘Why’ Series. “Why did you wind our windows up? Why are exhaust fumes bad? Why is it coming from that car? Why shouldn’t we breathe it in? Why is it worse than normal air? Why?”

I had to come up with some pretty ingenious answers but two things stood out to me (innocence and wisdom from the mouths of kids ‘eh?)

– he was questioning… (obviously)

– did the answers I give him make a difference?

I’m all for a good sesh of playing devils advocate but I find people who question things for the sake of complicating a situation or to force their opinion on someone else irritate me. And I think, out of that frustration, we’ve forgotten to question.


Be it questioning faith issues, accepted societal and cultural norms; what we eat and drink, what we buy, where we buy it from, what we consume or whether or not we should commit ourselves to the Zero Waste initiative (which terrifies me!) I think what I’m learning, is the art of mindfulness (even in my own small way).

This is a HUGE topic I’m barely scratching the surface of, and I’d hate it to springboard into a group of people anti-this and anti-that. Let’s not be devisive in our differences, let’s rather encourage each other in our individual convictions.

If I can suggest one practical change in this intimidatingly huge topic it’s this: stop, and think, before autopilot takes over. I’m an easy one to talk. It’s only from personal experience and desperation did I ever think ‘outside’ of what I had assumed to be right or correct (with little thought given to it).

I’m absolutely LOVING the conversations I’m having with people who are starting to question things (in healthy ways). We learn from those around us. So instead of always having done things this-way-or-that, let’s rethink it. Start afresh. Create your own new habits. And let’s stop outsourcing solutions to others – be it in the health and food industries or even in composting and/or recycling your waste. Let’s take ownership of what we have and responsibility in what we do with it.

The cliche of ‘be the change you want to see’ is very apt. Please do.