Category Archives: Thoughts

About being Reprimanded by a ‘Gynae’ at Woolies

, , , ,

So here’s a funny story. I like coffee, right? And while I stayed away from coffee in my first pregnancy, I relaxed a bit in my second, and now with my third – well this one loves it. Pick your battles and everything in moderation are things we need to tell ourselves, daily.

So I’m standing in a queue at Woolies this morning with a Vida in my one hand (which could have been anything – hot choc, decaf, anything)  and a chocolate croissant in the other, and I hear this voice say “you know that’s not good for your baby?”. And in a sure state of shock and ‘did I actually just hear a stranger say that to me?’, I lifted to my head to hear the voice once again… “You’re talking to a gynecologist”.

I think I stammered some kind of response like “I’m fine, thanks” and “can I please pay for this croissant?”, to which the (supposed) gynecologist asked “don’t you feel your baby kick much more after a cup of coffee?”. At this point I’m trying desperately to a) wrap my head around if I’m really living this and am actually being publicly judged, b) get out of this conversation I really don’t want to have with a stranger at 9am on a Friday morning, and c) just pay for my croissant.

Said gynecologist then wished me well (I think with the seemingly small amount of social awareness he possessed, he had picked up that I was not interested in having this conversation about my bad parenting with a stranger in a public setting) and he went on his way. The very sweet cashier and I exchanged a brief conversation with lines such as ‘each to their own’ and ‘at least I’m not smoking dried paint and drinking petrol’. And that was that. Funnily (hang on, horrifically) enough, my pregnant colleague experienced a very similar thing recently.

be kind flowers

Whether or not you agree with drinking coffee or alcohol, eating cupcake batter or dying your hair while pregnant, that’s not really the point. Each person has their own story, and their own convictions, and while maybe I’d choose to use natural products and cloth diaper my kid, doesn’t ever mean that I should judge or condemn anyone who does something differently to me.

IMG_8963-1.JPG

It got me thinking, as I sipped my evil coffee and nibbled on my wheaty, starchy, gluten, vegetable fat, and fake-flavour-filled croissant about how quickly we naturally judge others who choose different ways of doing things to what we do. Even as I blog about our greenISH life, I hope you never think I’ve got this down and that I’m all high and mighty. My story began from a personal conviction, NOT from wanting to tie a noose around my neck and label myself as perfectly ‘green’. I’m definitely not, and I’m happy to say so here. I write to inspire others, NEVER to make them feel judged. I’m failing miserably (and I sincerely apologise) if that has ever been the outcome.

So around all things pregnancy and birth (because that’s where my head is currently): I love this quote:

deer

I know of a beautiful, mixed, vastly different cultural group of friends who have never had a sip of caffeine and those who have had numerous (but safe) alcoholic drinks in their pregnancies. From HypnoBirthing, to elective cesareans, to un-medicated home births. I have dear friends who have had cesareans which have saved their and their babies’ lives. Those pro vaccine, and those anti. Those who eat strictly paleo, and those who live on quick, sneaky convenience food. Those who exercise excessively throughout their pregnancies and those who glue themselves to the couch from Day 1. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding; stay-at-home moms, back-to-work moms. Last night you would have caught me listening to positive birth affirmations, on repeat, in a candle-lit bath; and ask my hubby, each night we are currently listening to Marie Mongan’s Rainbow Relaxation CD as we fall asleep (after the Olympic Artistic Gymnastics of course). Oh, we are all so very, very wonderfully different.

And so while I’ve spoken to many gynaes, midwives and birth professionals about the yes or no to coffee, let’s all just hold our tongues a little quicker before we think our (personal and unasked for) advice is what every stranger in the queue behind us wishes to hear. I’m not saying we should live in a society where we can’t offer our opinion (please no), but let’s make sure it’s within relationship, it’s healthy, encouraging, and loving, even if it does involve rebuke. Okay? Awesome.

Happy Weekend you beautifully different, and equally wonderful people!

That uncomfortable work-in-progress feeling…

, ,

All pics in this post are a personal reminder to myself of life LIVED, before things were perfect (if they ever get there – which I doubt they will)…

There is a lyric in an All Sons and Daughters song which says ‘I need you, oh how I need you’ and while not everyone may share what I believe in (the song refers to needing Jesus), wow, at times I’m made SO aware of my failings, my weaknesses and my insecurities. And it’s a bit of a relief to admit, right?

EVER-DAY, by virtue of the fact that I’m a mom and a wife, I’m made fully aware (often it’s blinding) of my weaknesses. That’s what marriage and parenting will offer you. No doubt.

Backdrop pic edit

So here we are, in our new home. We’re 7ish weeks away from welcoming our third child, and first daughter into our family. I’m so fortunate. Lovely home, great neighbourhood, beautiful healthy family, supportive and hands on parents, incredibly generous and thoughtful in-laws, friends who I still can’t believe are friends with ME (they are THAT awesome), health, ability, skill, means… And I’m mortifyingly unsatisfied (give me grace, I’m also 33 weeks pregnant and HYPER emotional/sensitive).

I’d choose skimmed walls, downlighting and Liberia coloured walls over a years supply of pre-cooked meals, dummies, wipes and the cutest Cotton On Baby gear out there. I’d choose an interior designer to redo my entire house than have babysitting offered to me free and at any given time. And I’d definitely choose a 15 hour labour over a 2 hour one if it meant someone would magically rip up our hideously stained carpet and replace it with something… ANYTHING! My poor husband is up at sparrow to get to work and home again at a decent time, and is often welcomed home by a ratty, exhausted, (quite possibly) sloppily dressed, pregnant princess asking (hinting) at if ‘we’ (we know it’s not a ‘we’) should paint this room, or skim that room, or replace the door handles here or move the shelves there or or or, and if we (‘we’) can do it RIGHT NOW. And if we’re honest, I’m not up for paint fumes, carrying heavy stuff or climbing onto things so one could consider me almost entirely useless. I make soup. And a lot of it. But I’m also very pregnant and the urge to NEST (which is REAL) has hit an all time high.

IMG_0757

So selfishly, I want to put EVERYTHING on pause, have life be perfect, and then we can all unpause and continue. Let’s do that shall we?

family shoot

But that’s not REAL life. That’s not how this works (and I want to burst into big blubbery sobs just typing that truth). My revelation? Aren’t we ALWAYS a work-in-progress? Be it in our careers, our weight or appearance, our home renovations (or upgrade or needing new linen or curtains or size bed or to have that slightly ‘nicer’ postal code), our marriage and parenting skill (or lack of), OR our desperation to be married or a parent. Are we not constantly working on our image or reputation or the impression we like to portray on social media? Goodness, it doesn’t always need to be flashy – I’m constantly challenged that I’m not giving enough back to my community, or helping at some non-profit. And so while I said I wouldn’t hang our most precious Vancouver artwork ‘until we get into our new house’ – that has now been shifted to ‘when our walls are flat’, and then ‘Liberia coloured’. Okay, then I’ll hang it up. It’s like never burning that scented candle which has now, I’m fairly certain, no scent left. Shame.

So here’s my challenge to you as I very reluctantly and painfully turn this around and stare it in the face myself. How do we live to our fullest, in this place of ‘not yet’. I see so many similarities in the life I stumble through in my faith, in my marriage, in my parenting, in my wanting to achieve. How can we find genuine fulfilment in the undone, the imperfect? It’s a good question, huh? Dare to offer any suggestions?

Snow

I am a textbook work-in-progress. I think we all are. And I think creating the image that we have it all together is not only brutally unhelpful for those struggling, but, is a big fat lie. Hunger itself is a symptom of knowing we are not self-sustainable. Dirt (as in dust and mould and all other frustrating and gross unstoppable forces) will always be there. Like split ends after a fresh hair cut. We cannot control everything… please, I can barely control my kids without the threat of erasing ‘Blaze and the Monster Machines’, Saturday morning pancakes, or some form of sugar.

And it’s okay. You’re doing okay. Let’s be in this crazy uncomfortable place together, and allow it to be okay, to live in the mess, and the dirt, and the celebration, and the sorrow, and the joy of our very beautiful reality.

And hold me to hanging that artwork…

kids standing on beach

It’s not about us…

, , , ,

I love my kids. I love, love, LOOOOVE them. I want to squish them until they pop and hold them tight so they don’t grow up. I want to hear them laugh, be child-like, climb trees, run through sprinklers, mess chocolate all over their faces, learn, discover, explore, adventure and I want to plan their next birthday party (yes, even though I just said I didn’t want them to grow up – you know what I mean), just like the majority of moms out there. Recently I was made aware of this GREAT campaign #carseatfullstop – raising awareness of the importance and car seat safety, and so I’m adding my voice to the many other bloggers and moms out there who care deeply…

Maybe you’re like me, and from the time you first had littlies, it’s been a pretty automatic move to strap your kids in. It becomes second nature like putting on their nappies or tying their shoelaces. And yes, absolutely, it totally infuriates me when I see kids who have not been safely buckled in. First I get all ragey and flap my arms and hoot my horn and then clam down, breathe and pray those little lives make it to their destination safely.

carseatfullstop

And then yesterday, I read this post about a young boy in the States who, only 2 weeks ago, wriggled out of his car seat and was in an accident, and didn’t make it. It is one of those posts which you want to stop reading, because it is nothing less than utterly heartbreaking and completely soul destroying, but your eyes won’t let you. And while, with the launch of this campaign, there is SO much amazing awareness, access to statistics, encouragement and valid rebuke around this topic, here is what I have been thinking about recently:

It is not about you (me).

It is not about you not making the mistake on the road. While we like to think we’re in control of most things, we really aren’t. We can’t control the natural disaster, sleepy or drunk driver, or the innocent yet flawed human causing a total accident. We may not be in the wrong, but that doesn’t mean we can stop it from happening.

It is not about convenience. It’s about safety never taking a holiday. It is about taking those few minutes to secure the harness. It’s not about ‘just down the street’ or ‘just around the corner’. It is also not like you have to run around the car 12 times and do 30 push ups before you are allowed to thread their arms through the straps and buckle them in.

And lastly, it is not just not about you, but it IS about them. Little lives that often aren’t heard (except maybe for the screaming of infants). Innocent lives, entirely dependant on forward thinking parents. Wow, the God-given role of watching and caring for these little lives is huge.


Maybe you’ve never even imaged the devastation that can occur from car seat neglect. If you give it a moments thought, I’m sure like many of us, the horror is paralysing. Awareness, awareness, awareness. Let’s raise awareness. I pray that everyone reading this will never experience the kind of unimaginable pain car seat neglect can bring.

Thanks to Mandy and her Team, there is page after page of inspiring reading around this topic. Browse it here and help save a life. And heartache, regret and brokenness.

Let’s be better, and do better.

xxx

Follow the Campaign on the Web, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

How to Remain Minimalist when all you want to do is buy more Scatter Cushions

, , , , ,

So, almost 10 years after getting married, while pregnant with our third child and 1.5yrs after returning from overseas, we fiiiiiiiiiiinally have our own real grown up home (thanks hubby). And being pregnant, I’m in overdrive on the nesting and wanting to make our home, a HOME. Unpacking boxes from a) our childhoods, b) Durban living and c) Vancouver, we are surrounded by awesome stuff (and some not so awesome) and all I can think about is un-stippling the walls and buying scatter cushions.


This is our baby’s room. And that’s me 3rd trimester pregnant, not panicking at all. 

Hubby is a DIY one. Thank you God. Really. I’d happily choose DIY man over chef man. He is so handy I have lists FOR HIM, and sometimes get a little panicky if I imagine him dying… random but true. Because, well, he does a LOT. (Here is what is running through my head on an average day nowadays)…

  • We need a king size bed before baby arrives, which means we need the base from our 4 year olds’ room, which means we need bunks for the boys (hubby to make) so baby can have our toddlers cot. Reshuffling the whole family. No biggie.
  • We need to un-stipple the walls, pronto.
  • We need a headboard (hubby to make), with matchy matchy bedside tables (hubby to make as well).
  • Did I mention un-stippling the walls?
  • We need frames around all the mirrors in the house (hubby to make).
  • A complete re-haul of the kitchen (oh you know, as you do).
  • I need scatter cushions.
  • I’m desperate for a frame jewelry display (hubby to make).
  • Replace all lights switches and redo lighting throughout the house.
  • and and and and aaaaaaaaaaaand.

And allllll I can think about is how tiny our pillows look on our new king bed (which we now have – YAY) and how I need scatter cushions to make it look better. Never-mind the built in desk and shelves which have been ripped from the boys’ room, and the half un-stippled walls in the baby’s room and the double bed sitting in the family room waiting for it to be made into a murphy bed in the guest room (which is not yet fully unpacked) and and and aaaaaaaaaand. (Sounding familiar?) So often I just flop on the couch and watch Wimbledon with a bowl of pre-made cake icing and a spoon.

And while there are HUGE house projects on the go – I’m having a split personality moment between not buying unnecessary nonsense and ‘stuff’, and wanting to remain SO minimalist the rooms echo, and spending my retirement annuity on frames, new towels, pot plants, mason jars, fancy light fittings and the latest Breville coffee machine. So while I convince myself daily to NOT buy scatter cushions (and rugs and a new fireplace which is becoming more and more urgent), I’m enforcing – military style – many of fellow blogger Joshua Becker‘s thoughts surrounding keeping the home clutter and stress free. Think Zen.

So here they are. I feel like we’ve been given a clean slate with our new house so minimalist already, that building great habits (maintaining minimalism) can only better things. Even when I DO find the perfect scatter cushions.

joshuabeckerquote

15 Clutter Busting Routines for any Family: (Joshua Becker)

Disclaimer: for us non North ‘Mericans (not facing the most un-believ-able political circus), don’t be put off by words like junk-mail, garbage, coat closet and trash. You know what they mean.

1. Place junk mail immediately into a recycling bin. Take note of the natural flow of mail into your home. Placing a recycling container prior to your “mail drop-off zone” can catch most of that junk mail before it even reaches your counter. And as an added bonus, you’ll begin to look through less of it too (think advertisements).

2. Store kitchen appliances out of sight. Toasters, can openers, coffee makers… they all take up space. And while it may not seem like much space by looking at them, the first time you prepare dinner on a counter without them present, you’ll quickly notice the difference. If you think it’s going to be a hassle putting them away every morning, don’t. It takes less than 6 seconds to put each appliance away… once you’ve found a home for it that is.

3. Remove 10 articles of clothing from your closet today. Go ahead. If you are typical, it’ll take you roughly 5 minutes to grab 10 articles of clothing that you no longer wear and throw them in a box. Your remaining clothes will fit better in your closet. Your closet will be able to breathe again. And if you write “Goodwill” on the box when you are done, you’ll feel better about yourself as soon as you drop it off. Most likely, you’ll find yourself inspired to do it again.

4. Fold clean clothes / Remove dirty clothes immediately. The way I handle clothes these days is one of the biggest clutter changes I have made in my life. Unfortunately, I used to be a “throw-them-on-the-floor” guy. But now I handle each one right when I take it off. Dirty clothes down the clothes chute. Clean clothes back to the hanger or drawer. That’s it. It’s really that simple. How do the dirty ones magically appear clean and folded in my closet you ask… I’m not sure. You’ll need to ask my wife.

5. Kids’ bedroom toys live in the closet. Not on the floor. Not on the dresser. But in the closet. And when the closet gets too full of toys, it’s time to make some room. Hint, it’s usually safe to remove the toys at the bottom of the pile.

6. Kids pick up their toys each evening. This has countless benefits: 1) It teaches responsibility. 2) It helps kids realize that more isn’t always better. 3) The home is clean for mom and dad when the kids are in bed. 4) It’s a clear indication that the day has come to an end. Gosh, you’d think with all these benefits it would be easier for us to get the kids to do it…

(I have to butt in here. Growing up, my hubby had what his family called ‘Tidy Up Time’ at 5pm every night. He was 1 of 4 so you can imagine the mess. This is one of his most scarring memories as a child and he HATED it. Now that we have noise-making mud balls of children ourselves, and we’re moving from big block Duplo to small block Lego, he is ready to reinforce it. Too funny.)

7. Fill your containers for the garbage man. Use every trash pick-up day as an excuse to fill your recycling containers and/or garbage cans. Grab a box of old junk from the attic… old toys from the toy room… old food from the pantry… old paperwork from the office. If once a week is too often, do this exercise every other week. You’ll get the hang of it. And may even begin to enjoy trash morning… okay, I won’t go that far.

8. Halve decorations. No seriously, I mean it. Grab a box and walk through your living room. Remove decorations from shelves, tables, and walls that aren’t absolutely beautiful or meaningful. You may like it better than you think. If not, you can always put them back. But I’d bet my wife’s old high school yearbooks that you won’t return all of them.

9. Wash dishes right away. Hand washing some dishes takes less time than putting them in the dishwasher. This applies to cups, breakfast bowls, dinner plates, and silverware. If hand washed right after eating, it takes hardly any time at all. If however, hand washing is just not an option for you, be sure to put used dishes in the dishwasher right away. Nobody likes walking into a kitchen with dishes piled up in the sink or on the counter… and it’s even less fun eating in there.

10. Unmix and match cups, bowls, plates, and silverware. Uniformity makes for better stacking, storing, and accessing. If there is a souvenir cup or mug that is so important to you that you can’t live without it, that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t keep 5 of them. Mom, any chance you are reading this?

11. Keep your desk clear and clean. Drawers can adequately house most of the things needed to keep your desk functional. And a simple filing system should keep it clear of paper clutter. The next person who sits down to use the desk will thank you.

12. Store your media out of sight. Make a home for dvd’s, cd’s, video games, and remote controls. They don’t need to be in eyesight, you use them less than you think. And if you remove them from your eyesight… maybe you’ll use them even less.

13. Always leave room in your coat closet. There are two reasons why coats, shoes, and outerwear keep ending up scattered throughout your home rather than in your closet. The first reason is because your coat closet is so full, it’s a hassle to put things away and retrieve them quickly. Leave room on the floor, on the hangers, and on the shelves for used items to be quickly put away and retrieved. The second reason is because you have kids… but you’re on your own with that one.

14. Keep flat surfaces clear. Kitchen counters, bathroom counters, bedroom dressers, tabletops… After you clear them the first time, keeping them clean takes daily effort. Receipts, coins, and paper clutter just keep coming and coming… it’s just easier the second time around.

15. Finish a magazine or newspaper. Process or recycle immediately. If you’ve finished the paper product, process it and rid yourself of its clutter immediately. Good recipe in there? Put it in your recipe box and recycle the rest. Good article that your husband will enjoy? Clip it and recycle.  Article that your friend will enjoy? Clip it, mail it, and recycle (or better yet, search for it online and send it that way). Coupon too good to pass up? Cut it out and recycle. Stacks of magazines and newspapers serve little purpose in life but to clutter a room.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh – are you feeling all light and breezy like me?

Featured Image credit: www.thedormyhouse.com

Having your questions answered…

, , , ,

I had a moment of panic a while back about what this birth and post-birth will actually look like. How would I birth? Who would be there? Does the hospital (where I plan to birth) have birthing pools/baths? Would they take my baby away after the birth (there are no nurseries in Vancouver and so bub doesn’t leave your side)? Would they allow delayed cord clamping and immediate skin-to-skin? All these things have become increasingly important to me over the last few years.

I wrote a post here called 5 Things to Think Through before you Give Birth and these are the kinds of things I’m now having to question in a new environment. What if the sleep deprived new mom behind the curtain in my shared room gives me the hairy eyeball if my bub won’t stop screaming and I won’t let her go to the nursery? I guess time will have to tell on that one. Wish me luck.

deer

No matter if you’re seeing a gynae, an OB, a midwife or a tree-hugging, placenta-encapsulating hypnotherapist regarding your pregnancy and birth, having your questions answered is vital. Being reassured and confident going into the latter part of your pregnancy is so important for a smooth(er) birth. No matter if you’ve chosen a cesarean birth, a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) or to go natural, having more information means feeling more empowered, and in the state of the crazy/uncertain/unknown that childbirth brings, we sure need it!

Here is a short list of questions I recently took to my midwife, and yup, I’m a little OCD and I write them down on paper (spontaneously as I think of them in the 4 weeks between my appointments) and don’t leave until I’ve settled my angst surrounding them: (I really recommend writing down questions so you don’t forget to ask them)

  • It is standard to take the baby away to the nursery post birth?
  • What is the relationship (and plan of action) between hospital/back up gynae and midwives?
  • Is there a pool at the hospital to birth in?
  • What is the fee for a private room, or how many usually share a room?
  • Can we ensure delayed cord clamping is part of my birth plan?
  • Where can I find a WOMBS doula-in-training? (I thought maybe helping a doula in training for this birth might be a good way to give back)
  • What is their post birth policy (how long does my birth team stay, how long do I stay in the birth room and then the recovery room)?
  • Talk to me about hypnobirthing… and do you encourage it?
  • At what point in a third pregnancy should bubs settle in head down (I’m just thinking ahead regarding baby’s position). You can read here about Belly Mapping (courtesy of Spinning Babies), regarding understanding and feeling your babies’ position in the latter part of your pregnancy – so not quite yet for me…

Other questions you might have – particularly if this is your first birth:

  • Can you suggest some antenatal classes?
  • How long should I keep active and continue exercising?
  • Any dietary/supplementary recommendations (other than what I’m already taking)
  • (If you are thinking of going the natural route): What is the role of a doula? Can you explain to me the usefulness of a Birth Plan? Different forms of natural pain relief? (Get your head around this one early ladies!)
  • What medication is safe to take if I get a cold/the flu this winter?
  • How often is appropriate to ask your partner to rub your feet (on average, per week)?
  • (…and a million others you might have)…

While I will NEVER offer medical advice (I am certainly not a medical professional, I’m less qualified than Doc McStuffins), I’d love to hear your questions and possibly point you in the right direction if at all possible.

Here were my take–away’s:

  • No one is going to take my baby away from me immediately following the birth (unless there is a medical emergency and it is necessary). Relief.
  • Bubs can stay with me at all times post birth (no nursery, unless of course it is needed or requested).
  • Pool, doula, delayed cord clamping, hypnobirthing… YES!
  • Eat more iron (coupled with Vit C for absorption), pop some probiotics, drink more fluids. CHECK.
  • It’s a good idea to go on a tour of the hospital/birth center you’re planning to birth in. The tension/adjustment to an unknown environment can halt a progressing labour. Give them a call and book an appointment.

Phew, that’s enough for my to-do list for now. It’s great having you along for the ride.

Until next time xxx

Featured image credit: Evidence Based Birth Blog.

 

A quick thought on Generosity and Privilege

, , , ,

I don’t mean to be another voice calling names and issuing titles and opening up a very real and raw race wound, but here’s a thought for this Friday.

The other afternoon I went running (my usual 5 km route). I usually run with a girlfriend but she was away and I needed to get my Vitality points in, so off I went. Not jabbering my mouth off like I usually do, I had time to think, reflect and pray.

One thing I love about South Africa is that most people seem really friendly on the roads. I try and greet everyone I run past and acknowledge what is going on around me. And as I was nearing home, I ran past this 35+ yr old black gentleman. He smiled at me and I smiled back and squeezed out a breathless ‘hi’ – we had a quick and friendly exchange.

As I ran past this fellow countryman (I presume he was South African) I had a moment of crisp and clear comparison, which has really made me think. I ran past him with my preggy belly, carrying a-born-into-privilege little lady (who will probably be blond if she follows her brothers’ hair colour in any way – somehow being blond made the picture in my head all that clearer). Just there and then my brain did a quick calculation. Not taking into account the house, the car and and and I was running towards, on my person was:

    • R1000+ running shoes (they’re serious shoes my hub bought for my first marathon which was put on hold after the two pink lines came up on the pregnancy test),
    • R250 New Balance crops,
    • (I can’t remember which top but probably one from a race I did in Vancouver which would have cost about $100 to enter – yup, races there are crazy money),
    • My R2000 Garmin running watch with GPS and heart rate monitor,
    • My Apple Watch which I have not yet paid for (and am still exercising ‘it off’ on the Vitality deal – but is worth around R6000)…

I was wearing on my person, (all new let’s not forget) more than R10 000 worth of stuff. On a single run. And as this young gentleman walked past me, he smiled at me, his fellow South African sister, who has had a completely different life to him. I’d probably give a growl and a hairy eye ball to the injustice of it all if I was him, but he smiled. Legend.

generosity

I’m not here to point fingers, say we need to give all our stuff away, move to a township or make anyone feel guilty or proud, good or bad. I’m just writing to share my small experience. That moment of clarity was real. It is also unfair to underestimate who this gentleman is. I don’t know him, so who am I to judge him? While I presumed he was walking to catch a lift on a taxi home (to a place I’ve never been), I can’t presume he is less or more than what I saw in my 2 second smile at him. But all this to say…

We have a LOT. WAY more than we need. I wasn’t at the UCT or Freedom Day marches. I am not waving a flag on the side of the street or shouting my opinions from the rooftop. I’m trying to come to grips with what it means to live in South Africa, identify as a South African, and be aware of what my fellow South African experiences day to day. And I’m far from it, but I’m on the road…

There is no difference between my domestic worker and I. Nancy and I are the same, we’ve just been given different lots in life (or however you chose to see/say it). She is not my slave. She is my sister. She works hard, arrives on time, is taking what she has and trying to do her best with it. Are we not all doing that? There are a million ways we can make this practical and better the lives of those in need and so many people I know are doing that, and it is BEAUTIFUL. So let’s do it more. More and more and more until the divide becomes blurry (yes, I know, its idealistic) but why not do it anyway.

Generosity is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I see today. Just this morning, my colleague bought me a gorgeous set of new wine glasses because I had told her how, when unpacking our wine glasses (from boxes we packed up 6 years ago), we only found we had 2. Generosity and kindness – it can knock you off your feet a little if you step down from your privileged and entitled podium.

Lets just be kind, and aware, and generous.

(Preach over (wink emotion).)

My Pregnancy Pamper!

, , , , ,

I hope you have read this post about my amazing experience last year at Peta’s The Little Green Box. Well, lucky me, it was pamper time again!

I have Peta to thank for the wealth of information I have on Esse Skincare, and the encouragement of my now-regular (previously never-so-regular) skincare routine. I’ve LOVED using Esse on my face and have genuinely noticed an incredible difference. Peta is a whats app away from any questions/concerns I might have, which I love.

IMG_3943-0

Well, Peta recently invited me back to her Little Green Box for a Spa Solutions treatment, a new range she is stocking which she is really excited about and which compliments Esse wonderfully. There were a couple emails going backwards and forwards about the safety of the products in pregnancy (which, let’s be honest, it’s an eco-salon, I was in the best hands), and Peta went the extra mile doing her research and offering me different options depending on my level of comfort. I arrived at my appointment excited and confident – this coming from the green-preggo who has not ONCE painted her nails since seeing the two pink lines on the pregnancy test – even with natural nailpolish (!)

So, back to my Spa Solutions treatment. Spa Solutions is a proudly South African skincare brand using 70% organic and 97% natural ingredients. It is a new generation range of products based on active botanicals, vitamins, peptides and stem cells. It (obviously) contains no parabens, petrochemicals (mineral oil), synthetic colourants, fragrances, lanolin or any know skin irritants. It is also cruelty free and non comedogenic (which basically means it doesn’t cause blackheads by blocking the pores of the skin).

spa solutions 2 - Copy

I had the Antioxidant Repair Facial (R390/60min). Oh, WOW. It was in-credible. The facial included a cleanse containing Vit A, C & E, a tone with strong anti-inflamatory properties, an exfoliating enzyme containing Papain and Papaya (which loosens and removes dead skin cells) and the massage. Oh the massage. I then had an anti-oxidant repair mask applied (packed with free radicals, Co-Q10 to repair cellular damage, it is hydrating, cell energising, with an anti-inflammatory effect).

spa solutions 1

THEN (I know, it goes on…) a French Pinotage Peel Off Mask (extra R90 per treatment). This is a combination of marine algae and Grape March. Grape March is high in tannins which have a regulating effect on collagen fibres therefore helping to restructure the skin. It is firming and lifting, anti aging, brightening and it also aids the penetration of the cream mask. And of course while this was settling on my skin, Peta gave me a gentle foot massage. Oh yes. More massage!

She finished off with an Intensive Night Repair Moisturiser. And I went off on my merry way with incredibly hydrated and happy skin.

Little Green Box 1 - Copy

I love my mornings with Peta, because we can chat away and I can ask seemingly stupid questions, like… “What is a Peel“. Peta explained to me the benefit of the new Spa Solutions Peel she was offering, and how excited she was about it.

“I chose the Spa Solutions light peel because I was looking for a light natural peel that would compliment Esse Organic Skincare. I don’t believe in over exfoliating the skin but in helping to maintain a youthful appearance by reducing inflammation and ensuring good overall skin health.

The 15% light peel is a synergist blend of a few different AHA’s (Alpha Hydroxy Acids). This means that each of the AHA’s enhances and boosts the other making the peel more powerful and effective.” Peta.

If you’ve ever been interested in a peel, but have been a little ignorant or nervous about it (like I have), this is for you. It’s an amazing combination of an effective exfoliation, (something more serious than what you can do at home) but never coming close to the intensity of some salons which can leave your skin damaged and raw.

Here is a little more info on the Spa Solutions 15% AHA Light Peel (R400/45min) which Peta offers:

– it is a light natural peel,
– it contains natural AHA’s such as Lactic Acid, Citric, Malic, Gluconic and Glycolic,

– the natural AHA’s are not chemically stabilised or preserved, and are shown to be more skin friendly, more easily tolerated and offer more therapeutic benefits without side effects.

Benefits include:
– anti-aging effect by increasing cell turnover,
– anti inflammatory and healing,
– anti pigmentation and brightening,
– improves overall skin texture,

– improves penetration of home care products.

This light peel can either be done as a stand alone treatment or in a course of 6 every 2 weeks. Please chat to Peta about what you think might be best for you!

Little Green Box Salon

I am NEVER disappointed after a visit to The Little Green Box. I’m always left inspired by who Peta is, what she does and her conviction to doing things differently. Aaaaaand I LOVE that she threads my eyebrows, quickly and relatively painlessly and I feel like a million bucks after. I’ve come to think that keeping ones eyebrows neat is suuuuch a drag and yet can take 1 min if you get a professional to do it, and can make you feel like a different person.

Check out the full The Little Green Box Price List and don’t forget that Gift Vouchers and Spa Packages are also available. You can follow them on Facebook and Twitter for updates and more info.

Contact Details:

41 Meadow Way, Constantia Meadows

Tel: 074 816 7794 (or whatsapp)
Email: littlegreenboxskincare@gmail.com
Web: www.greenboxskincare.co.za

The Little Green Box – Eco Skincare 

Monday to Friday: 08:30 – 17:00
Saturday: 008:00 – 14:00
Closed on Sundays and Public Holidays

Oh, to be loved

, , , ,

My little bub, Ryler Cael, turned 2 today.

“And so on April 29th 2014, just before 7am, after a beautifully real and intense labour (another significant space between), and water birth, Ryler Cael became Ryler Cael – We are : We become in the space between. We are, because YOU are.

And so to our dear Ryler – may you become an inspirer, a community builder, an intentionally relational being, an arm-lifter of the weak.

And as his daddy said to him on the day he was born, ‘the love is in the space between us; you’ll always be safe there’.” (read full post about his name here).

And besides the ‘oh my goodness, I had the most incredible birth’ feelings (which were COMPLETELY overwhelming last year – wow!), or the ‘how can you be 2, you should still be 8 weeks old’ feelings, or the adoration we feel when he tries to copy our words (which is simply the cutest thing everrrr) or the excitement we see in his pure delight while screaming ‘boooooons’ (balloons) or ‘birrrrdayyyy’ (birthday), or ‘hoooooorayyy’ at the end of his own birthday sing-a-long or answering ‘me me me’ to the question of ‘whose birthday is it today???’… this year I’ve been struck by the raw and real response he gives to simply being loved.

We live in community (on the same property) with my parents, and so in true keeping-with-Stephenson (my maiden name) style, we like to DO birthdays. Spoils, excitement, boooons, getting up early and singing, presents and cake. This is 100% unnecessary (in trying to continue a minimalist approach), but it is fun, and I really enjoy doing it – so that won’t change quickly. Our little now-toddler doesn’t need all this stuff, I know, but we love giving it to him. And I certainly kept it simple with gifts this year – which was a nice, guilt-free change.

But the love, oh the LOVE. The way his eyes light up when he sees mommy or daddy coming to get him from his crib in the morning and the big cuddles and morning exchanges that then ensue. The delight he feels in the love from his ‘sham’ (gran) and ‘papa’ (grampa) as they join in adoringly. We know we’re blessed. There is just so much love.

pooh love 2

Yesterday my almost-4yr-old spent his whole morning baking a cake for Ryler with my mom. Literally, the whole morning. And he decorated it too. And he nibbled off a few gummy bears and stole a couple m&m’s, and it was a little less than perfect but it WAS perfect because he had a ball and he was SO proud of his efforts. All for his younger brothers birthday… (sure, the sharing – or not – of Ryler’s presents this morning was not as adorable a task), but the LOVE.


This morning Ryler soaked.it.all.up. The balloons, the singing, the cake (oh the cake), the presents, the toys, the books and jelly beans. His face expressed it and his body exuded it. He knew he was loved. And actually, it didn’t matter, the ‘stuff’. Had it just been us, beaming with pride as we squeezed our little man full of birthday-ness, he would have known it full well, and just as well.

And so this morning, his unashamed and unreserved delight made me think deeper into what it means, and what a huge, huge blessing it is to BE loved. Feeling loved, and knowing one is loved is important (life changing really), but being loved. And we ARE loved. At the risk of getting all spiritual for those who do not follow the same faith we do… know, that you ARE loved.

he first loved us

And oh, if it is This Love that allows me to continue loving, then bring it on. Let us love: deep, wide, high, low, in joy, in sorrow, in confidence, in doubt.

Let us just LOVE.

Happy Birthday Ryler Cael. You are loved.

The Benefits of Grounding (no, I don’t mean your kids)

, , , , , , ,

We’ve just come back from Wilderness. Let’s not get into it, sob sob, it was so absolutely amazing, I’m still sad it’s over. We joined old friends from a pre-Vancouver season and it was as if nothing had ever changed (barring the 4 kids we had produced between us in the time gone by)…

In the back of my mind, I was secretly stoked with all the grounding that was going on. No, not the ‘naughty child type’, but the the ‘touching the ground for the sake of your health’ type. Otherwise known as earthing.

kids sitting on beach

I first learnt about grounding from my guru Wellness Mama. She explains it like this:

‘The theory is that our bodies are meant to come into contact with the Earth (a “grounding” force) on a regular basis. Positive electrons in the form of free radicals (ever heard of those guys?) can build up in our bodies and direct contact with the ground balances this out as it is a negative grounding charge.

Our bodies and cells have electrical energy, and especially with the high prevalence of electromagnetic waves, Wi-Fi and mobile phone waves, many of us have a high amount of positive electrons built up in our bodies’.

And the truth is, we’ve never needed grounding as much as we do right now. I used to be all proud of my attempts at getting my kids ‘grounded’ by sending them to school barefoot, and watching them run on the grass, but that had a lot to do with not finding shoes in time for school and the school being pretty blasé about it. Win-win.

wilderness view from top of stairs

According to emerging research, grounding/earthing can be beneficial in:

  • Reducing inflammation by defusing excess positive electrons
  • Reducing chronic pain
  • Improving sleep
  • Increasing energy
  • Lowering stress and promoting calmness by reducing stress hormones.
  • Normalizing biological rhythms including circadian rhythm
  • Improving blood pressure and blood flow
  • Relieving muscle tension and headache
  • Lessens menstrual and female hormone symptoms
  • Speeds healing – used in some places to prevent bed sores
  • Can eliminate jet lag
  • Protecting the body from EMFs
  • Shortens recovery time from injury or athletic activity
  • Reducing or eliminating snoring
  • Helping support adrenal health

You see, it used to happen naturally:

‘Throughout history, humans have spent time outdoors much more than we do in modern time and have been in direct contact with the soil. From walking on the ground barefoot, to gardening or tilling the soil, humans have always touched the earth… until recently.

Now, we live in houses, wear rubber shoes, are exposed to EMFs daily and don’t often come into direct contact with the ground.

Have you ever noticed that you sleep better on a beach vacation after walking in the sand or being in the ocean? The sand and ocean water and both naturally conductive materials and both help ground the body and remove excess positive electrons. For the same basic reason that we ground electrical outlets to avoid the build up of excess positive charge, our bodies need the same ground effect‘.

the effect of grounding

(These two slept like a dream on holiday…)

Think about it…

And so here’s how you go about being intentional about grounding.

‘To work, you must be barefoot and in contact with rock, dirt or water. The beach/ocean is possibly the best place as not only are sand and salt water extremely conductive, but salt water is also very high in magnesium. Perhaps this is why many people seem to sleep better on vacation at the beach!’

There are fancy pants things such as grounding/earthing mats (some that you can sleep on), but I’m yet to see these available here in South Africa. And with the prevalence of beautiful beaches to stroll, mountains to climb, trails to walk, fresh grass to run on – nature all around us – we have no excuse to not be more proactive about getting our feet.on.the.earth.

kids standing on beach

Have you tried grounding and ever noticed the benefits?

I’m BAAAAAACK! And there is more of me…

, , , , ,

I’ve been quiet. Sorry about that. While I previously would have been blogging and trying new recipes, and learning life lessons, going on more adventures with the kids, making new DIY thingy-majigs, finding new ipad apps (our old ones are not longer cuttting it), and sourcing new eco products… I’ve been napping, and going for scans, having serious food aversions, napping some more, overdosing on kauai smoothies, doing more napping, and peeing. A lot.

Yep, I’m pregnant, with number 3. While it was still under cover, I read this blog post by blogger Cindy Alfino (from 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 old house). It made me laugh HARD, especially the bit about closing your eyes when paying school fees. Truth. Thanks for the laugh Cindy.

debbie shocked pregnant

Back to it! Sooo… we’re pregnant. Again. Fortunately, besides the exhaustion of managing two small boystrous boys (covered in noise and dirt, constantly) it’s been fairly okay. I’ve experienced food aversion in a big way – and afternoon exhaustion at its peak – but into the 2nd tri I’ve got my Superwoman cape on and I’m even taking both boys to the aquarium (DURING the school holidays mind you, pushing a HEAVY double stroller with NO air in its tyres surrounded by thousands of holidayers). You should see my speed and agility when the kids run in opposite directions. It’s award winning. I bought myself a mcflurry after to reward myself for my efforts. I deserved it.

Pregnant Debbie

Having had both my kids in Vancouver, this Cape Town birth idea was a bit new to me, but at the same time, I’ve never been as intentionally green (especially with my kids) as I am now. This is exciting. I find myself being VERY aware of what I put on my skin, and what I eat, which in all honesty, on the eating part… I haven’t been all that great (besides my weekly 2 x Kauai smoothies thanks to Vitality Fitness Rewards) – but when it comes to skincare – I’ve been military style. Sounds a bit hypocritical, and maybe it is, but give a pregnant woman a break will ya?

When it comes to my prenatal supply, I’m all over it, happily sourcing some of the best products available in SA. A friend recently asked me what I’m using prenatally, and here it is… (inspired by Wellness Mama, and a 3hr stint in emergency at 11 weeks with crazy abdominal pain).

Solgar products contain no preservatives, no artificial flavouring (I’d prefer if my prenatals didn’t look like giant pink smarties), as well as being gluten free, dairy free, yeast free, wheat free, sugar free.

I’m no doctor, but I do like the Solgar and The Real Thing ranges – and felt safe taking them. Probiotics are recommended during pregnancy for overall gut health and to avoid GBS if possible (although I was GBS+ during both boys’ pregnancies), and you can’t forget your omegas.

And so that’s where we’re at. More gushy, hormone-driven, pregnant, baby info is sure to come flying your way, but I’ll leave you with this precious moment yesterday with my midwife at Birth Options – the boys listening to the sound of their baby sisters heart beat. YES, it’s a GIRL (…we think – as much as the 13 week scan can tell you)… I’ll be sure to confirm after 21 weeks.

We are BLESSED! xxx

clay and ryler at midwives